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    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Thu Oct 08, 2009 12:54 am

    Many orchestra students are estatic for the upcoming Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena. This year’s concert is to be held on Tuesday, Oct. 27th and will be open to the public.

    The Fall String concert is usually around 2 hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between switches of instructors, instruments, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the Middle schools perform their own songs with their own musical instructors. After all three middle schools perform, Orchestra one takes the stage, Orchestra two, then three.

    Orchestra 1, composed of mostly freshman and instrumental beginners, is pretty confident in their performance, Megan Choi, a violin says. “We put in a moderate amount of time into the work. We practicing everyday in class, and pay more attention towards details. But overall, there’s no drastic rush is being set in preparation. Megan believes the Fall String concert will go smoothly, “We’re well prepared and the three songs that we’re playing really compliment one another.

    Excited for the upcoming concert, one orchestra two student is also beaming with confidence about their performance. Orchestra 2 is to play Simple Gifts, and Rhos Meydre, and just like Orchestra 1, Orchestra 2 “practices everyday during school and during the time we have in the privacy of our own homes.”

    Julie Chung, one of the select 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class feels “confident in this year’s performance. We prepare for the concert everyday, and during the summer we prepared a few songs as well.” Orchestra 3 will be performing three songs at the concert; Fantasie, which was composed by Mr. England, the orchestra director, himself, Symphonie Number 44, Trauer, composed by Hayden, and Sinfoniettta in D major composed by Mozart, and arranged by James Brown.

    Julie is only one of the many brilliant orchestral members whom can’t contain their excitement and glee over the upcoming performance. “It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It’s a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’ …..but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.”

    im not sure if it wiill be past tense or future tense by the time we distibute the article;
    so if it is past, then ill change the verbs.

    nancyxiao

    Posts : 170
    Join date : 2009-08-31

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  nancyxiao on Thu Oct 08, 2009 11:56 am

    Many orchestra students [Arcadia High School Orchestra members---when you say "many", it sounds like the other few are not ecstatic] are estatic for the upcoming Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena. This year’s concert is to be [was---we go to press on the 28th] held on Tuesday, Oct. 27th and will be [was] open to the public.

    The Fall String concert is usually around 2 hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between switches [awkward sounding] of instructors, instruments, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the Middle schools perform their own songs with their own musical instructors [sounds sorta...babying? xD as if someone's saying, "you wrote your OWN article with your OWN computer!" and i know that's not your intention]. After all three middle schools perform, Orchestra one takes the stage, Orchestra two, then three. [awkward]

    Orchestra 1, composed of mostly freshman and instrumental beginners, is pretty confident in their performance, Megan Choi, a violin [violinist] says. “We put in [delete if possible] a moderate amount of time into the work. We practicing [practice] everyday in class, and pay more attention towards details. But overall, there’s no drastic rush is being set in preparation. [you didn't put end quotations! also, check the grammar in these quotes, there's a lot of wrong tenses.] Megan believes the Fall String concert will go [went] smoothly, “We’re well prepared and the three songs that we’re playing really compliment one another. [change tense of quotes]

    Excited for the upcoming concert, one orchestra [Orchestra] two student is also beaming with confidence about their performance. Orchestra 2 is to play Simple Gifts, and Rhos Meydre, and just like Orchestra 1, Orchestra 2 “practices everyday during school and during the time we have in the privacy of our own homes.” [change tenses]

    Julie Chung, one of the select 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class feels “confident in this year’s performance. We prepare for the concert everyday, and during the summer we prepared a few songs as well.” Orchestra 3 will be performing three songs at the concert; Fantasie, which was composed by Mr. England, the orchestra director, himself, Symphonie Number 44, Trauer, composed by Hayden, and Sinfoniettta in D major composed by Mozart, and arranged by James Brown.

    Julie is only one of the many brilliant orchestral members whom can’t contain their excitement and glee over the upcoming performance. “It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It’s a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’ …..but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.” [change tenses]


    im not sure if it wiill be past tense or future tense by the time we distibute the article;
    so if it is past, then ill change the verbs. [Good thinking ahead Christina! it is the past Very Happy]

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Fri Oct 09, 2009 11:38 am

    Arcadia High School Orchestra members are ecstatic for the upcoming Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena. This year’s concert was held on Tuesday, Oct. 27th and was open to the public.

    The Fall String concert is usually around 2 hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between different instructors, musicians, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the Middle schools perform their own songs. After all three middle schools perform, Orchestra One takes the stage, Orchestra Two, then, as the grand finale, Orchestra Three .

    Orchestra 1, composed of mostly freshman and instrumental beginners, is pretty confident in their performance, Megan Choi, a violinist says. “We put in [delete if possible] a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced everyday in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned, “We were well prepared and the three songs that we’re played really complimented one another."

    Excited for the upcoming concert, one Orchestra Two student is also beaming with confidence about their performance. Orchestra 2 is to play Simple Gifts, and Rhos Meydre, and just like Orchestra 1, Orchestra 2 “practiced everyday during school, and during the time we had in the privacy of our own homes.”

    Julie Chung, one of the select 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, and during the summer we prepared a few songs as well.” Orchestra 3 performed three songs at the concert; Fantasie, which was composed by Mr. England, the orchestra director, himself, Symphonie Number 44, Trauer, composed by Hayden, and Sinfoniettta in D major composed by Mozart, and arranged by James Brown.

    Julie was only one of the many brilliant orchestral members . “It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It's a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’… but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.”

    im not sure if it will be past tense or future tense by the time we distribute the article;
    so if it is past, then ill change the verbs. [Good thinking ahead Christina! it is the past Very Happy]
    D: noo i feel badd cuz i made you like correct all of my work that was all grammatically inccorect and the tense all funky and stuff D:

    nancyxiao

    Posts : 170
    Join date : 2009-08-31

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  nancyxiao on Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:43 am

    Arcadia High School Orchestra members are ecstatic for the upcoming Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena. [If the next sentence is going to say "was held", then it sort of rules out the "ecstatic for the upcoming..." part] This year’s concert was held on Tuesday, Oct. 27th and was open to the public.

    The Fall String concert is usually around 2 hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between different instructors, musicians, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the Middle schools perform their own songs. [combine into next sentence] After all three middle schools perform, Orchestra One takes the stage, [insert "followed by"] Orchestra Two, then, as the grand finale, Orchestra Three . [delete the space between "Orchestra Three" and the period. also, insert "performs"]

    Orchestra 1, composed of mostly freshman and instrumental beginners, is pretty confident in their performance, Megan Choi, a violinist says. “We put in [delete "in"] a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced everyday in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned, “We were well prepared and the three songs that we’re [either use "we" or "were"] played really complimented one another."

    Excited for the upcoming concert, one Orchestra Two student is also beaming with confidence about their performance. [clashing tenses here..."upcoming concert" and "confidence about their performance"] Orchestra 2 is to play [played] Simple Gifts, [delete comma and put song titles in quotations] and Rhos Meydre, and just like Orchestra 1, Orchestra 2 “practiced everyday during school, and during the time we had in the privacy of our own homes.”

    Julie Chung, one of the select 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, and during the summer we prepared a few songs as well.” Orchestra 3 performed three songs at the concert; Fantasie, which was composed by Mr. England, the orchestra director, himself, [so many appositives!! delete! also, put song titles in quotations] Symphonie Number 44, Trauer, composed by Hayden, and Sinfoniettta in D major composed by Mozart, [delete comma] and arranged by James Brown.

    Julie was only one of the many brilliant orchestral members . [delete space between "members" and the period. also, sentence sounds awkward] “It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It's a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’… [what is this underscore for?]but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.”

    im not sure if it will be past tense or future tense by the time we distribute the article; [past tense!]
    D: noo i feel badd cuz i made you like correct all of my work that was all grammatically inccorect and the tense all funky and stuff D: [it's okay! you're so nice LOL!]

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Tue Oct 13, 2009 11:06 pm

    Arcadia High School Orchestra members were quite ecstatic over this year's the Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena on Monday, Oct. 26th.

    The Fall String concert is usually around 2 hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between different instructors, musicians, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the Middle schools perform, and after they conclude, Orchestra One takes the stage, followed by Orchestra Two, then, as the grand finale, Orchestra Three performs.
    Orchestra 1, composed of mostly freshman and instrumental beginners, is pretty confident in their performance, Megan Choi, a violinist says. “We put a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced everyday in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned, “We were well prepared and the three songs that [we] played really complimented one another."

    Still passionate about the performance, one Orchestra Two student is also beaming with confidence about their performance. Orchestra 2 is to [played] "Simple Gifts" and "Rhos Meydre" and just like Orchestra 1, Orchestra 2 “practiced everyday during school, and during the time we had in the privacy of our own homes.”

    Julie Chung, one of the select 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, and during the summer we prepared a few songs as well.” Orchestra 3 performed three songs at the concert; "Fantasie" which was composed by Mr. England, the orchestra director, "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, and "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown.

    A perfromer's view of a performance can be drastically different from an audience member's point of view, and Julie is only one of the many brilliant orchestral members whose had experience of the thrill of participating in such concerts. "It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It's a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’… but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.”

    im not sure if it will be past tense or future tense by the time we distribute the article; [past tense!]
    D: noo i feel badd cuz i made you like correct all of my work that was all grammatically inccorect and the tense all funky and stuff D: [it's okay! you're so nice LOL!]
    but i still feel bad D:
    ohh and the "underscore" is actually an elipse (sp?)
    because she said something between the two parts of the quote that I pulled together
    and for the 5th paragraph;
    i was trying to think of something to put there, but i think i lost time or something and just ended up submitting the thing ahahah <3
    i feel like this article has become drastically shorter D:

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:50 am

    Orchestra members were quite ecstatic over this year's the Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena on Monday, Oct. 26th.

    The Fall String concert is usually around two hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between different instructors, musicians, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the middle schools perform, and after they conclude, Orchestra One takes the stage, followed by Orchestra Two, then, as the grand finale, Orchestra Three performs.
    Orchestra 1, composed of mostly freshman and instrumental beginners, is pretty confident in their performance, Megan Choi, a violinist says. “We put a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced everyday in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned, “We were well prepared and the three songs that [we] played really complimented one another."

    Still passionate about the performance, one Orchestra Two student is also beaming with confidence about their performance. Orchestra 2 is to [played] "Simple Gifts" and "Rhos Meydre" and just like Orchestra 1, Orchestra 2 “practiced everyday during school, and during the time we had in the privacy of our own homes.”

    Julie Chung, one of the select 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, and during the summer we prepared a few songs as well.” Orchestra 3 performed three songs at the concert; "Fantasie" which was composed by Mr. England, the orchestra director, "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, and "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown.

    A perfromer's view of a performance can be drastically different from an audience member's point of view, and Julie is only one of the many brilliant orchestral members whose had experience of the thrill of participating in such concerts. "It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It's a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’… but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.”

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Fri Oct 16, 2009 11:31 am

    Orchestra members were quite ecstatic over this year's the Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena on Monday, Oct. 26th.

    The Fall String concert is usually around two hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between different instructors, musicians, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the middle schools perform, and after they concluded, Orchestra 1 takes the stage, followed by Orchestra 2, then, as the grand finale, Orchestra 3 performs.

    Orchestra 1, composed of freshman, is pretty confident in their performance, Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says. “We put a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced everyday in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned, “We were well prepared and the three songs that [we] played really complimented one another."

    Still passionate about the performance, one Orchestra 2 student is also beaming with confidence about their performance. Orchestra 2 is to [played] "Simple Gifts" and "Rhos Meydre" and just like Orchestra 1, Orchestra 2 “practiced everyday during school, and during the time we had in the privacy of our own homes.”

    Julie Chung, one of the 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, and during the summer we prepared a few songs as well.” Orchestra 3 performed three songs at the concert; "Fantasie" which was composed by Mr. England, the orchestra director, "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, and "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown.

    A performer's view of a performance can be drastically different from an audience member's point of view, and Julie is only one of the many brilliant orchestral members whose had experience of the thrill of participating in such concerts. "It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It's a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.”

    tbe.

    nancyxiao

    Posts : 170
    Join date : 2009-08-31

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  nancyxiao on Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:34 pm

    Orchestra members were quite ecstatic over this year's the [delete] Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena on Monday, Oct. 26th.

    The Fall String concert is usually around two hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between different instructors, musicians, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the middle schools perform, and after they concluded, Orchestra 1 takes the stage, followed by Orchestra 2, then, as the grand finale, Orchestra 3 performs.

    Orchestra 1, composed of freshman, is pretty confident in their performance, Megan Choi, a freshman violinist [insert comma----there's too many appositives in this short sentence, is there any way you can make it flow better?] says. “We put a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced everyday in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned, “We were well prepared and the three songs that [we] played really complimented one another."

    Still passionate about the performance, one Orchestra 2 student [which Orchestra 2 student? give a name!] is also beaming with confidence about their performance. Orchestra 2 is to [played] "Simple Gifts" and "Rhos Meydre" and just like Orchestra 1, Orchestra 2 “practiced everyday during school, and during the time we had in the privacy of our own homes.” [who is this quote from?]

    Julie Chung, one of the 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class [insert comma] felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, and during the summer we prepared a few songs as well.” Orchestra 3 performed three songs at the concert; "Fantasie" which was composed by Mr. England, the orchestra director, "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, and "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown.

    A performer's view of a performance can be drastically different from an audience member's point of view, and Julie is only one of the many brilliant orchestral members whose had experience of the thrill of participating in such concerts. "It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It's a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.”

    [The article is nicely written, but after going through it a couple times, I realized that it's repetitive. All the quotes are just talking about how they worked really hard and were confident in the performance. Maybe condense some of that and instead, add some quotes from the middle schoolers about how the high school orchestras shocked them by playing so well and motivated them to continue their orchestra career throughout middle school and high school.]

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Mon Oct 19, 2009 1:38 am

    Orchestra members were quite ecstatic over this year's Fall String concert, an annual tradition held in Pasadena on Monday, Oct. 26th.

    The Fall String concert is usually around two hours long, with an intermission and breaks in between different instructors, musicians, and set-ups. At the start of the night, the middle schools perform, and after they concluded, Orchestra 1 takes the stage, followed by Orchestra 2, then, as the grand finale, Orchestra 3 performs.

    Orchestra 1 is quite confident in their performance. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says, "I think that as our first performance as a high school orchestra, we did really well. We put a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced daily in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned, “We were well prepared and the three songs that [we] played really complimented one another."

    Composed of sophomores and upper classmen, the Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the Orchestra 2 musicians. They played three challenging songs, "Simple Gifts" and "Rhos Meydre" and according to Leslie Ledeboer, an Orchestra 2 violist, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great start, considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other ochestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the 100 students in the Orchestra 3 class, felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, [as well as] during the summer.” At the concert,Orchestra 3 performed three songs including one piece that the orchestra director, Mr. England, composed himself; "Fantasie". "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brownm was the third.

    A performer's view of a performance can be drastically different from an audience member's point of view, and Julie is only one of the many orchestral members whose had experience of the thrill of participating in such concerts. "It’s really exhilarating to be on stage,” Julie explains, “It's a bit nerve-wracking at first, when you continually tell yourself ‘Don’t rush! Don’t rush!’but it feels really good afterward when we blow the audience’s mind.”

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Wed Oct 21, 2009 10:52 pm

    Hey Christina! Remember that I asked you to take the revisions that I gave you into consideration Smile Try to post a new draft onto the forum ASAP.

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Thu Oct 22, 2009 12:13 am

    Yeah Hana; Im working on that right now;
    it might be posted up pretty late though D:

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Thu Oct 22, 2009 3:58 am

    Last month, Orchestra 3 musicans was suprised to be performing after America's own Marines. However, on Monday Oct. 26th, Arcadian Middle and High School orchestral musicians weren't looking for officers, but for friends and family in the stands of South Pasadena in this year's Fall String Concert.

    Those who believe that classical music is boring and tedious is sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performer and the spectators. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says,"I still remember watching the High School Orhcestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughs. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    Orchestra 1, created entirely of the freshmen class, is quite confident in their performance. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says, "I think that as our first performance as a high school orchestra, we did really well. We put a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced daily in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned, “We were well prepared and the three songs that [we] played really complimented one another."

    Composed of sophomores and upper classmen, the Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the Orchestra 2 musicians. They played three challenging songs, "Simple Gifts" and "Rhos Meydre" and according to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great start, considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other ochestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the 100 students of the Orchestra 3 class, felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, [as well as] during the summer.” At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brownm was the third.

    @hana-

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:25 am

    Last month, Orchestra 3 musicans was were suprised to be performing after America's own Marines Marine Corps Orchestra? they should have an official title (idk if that's it)-- and you need to use that. I doubt they performed after the "Marines." . However, on Monday Oct. 26th, Arcadian Middle and High School orchestral musicians weren't looking for specify that you're talking about army officers officers, delete comma but for friends and family in the stands of South Pasadena specify the venue in at this year's Fall String Concert. nice intro!

    Those who believe that classical music is boring and tedious is are sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the delete the spectators. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says,insert space"I still remember watching the High School Orhcestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughs. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level." good! much improvement!

    Orchestra 1, created change to composed entirely of the freshmen class, is do you mean was? quite confident in their performance. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says you just copy-pasted the exact phrase from the above paragraph. readers hate repetition-- even an intro to a quote needs to be varied up, "I think that as our first performance as a high school orchestra, we did really well. We put a moderate amount of time into the work. We practiced daily in class, and payed more attention towards details. But overall, there was no drastic rush in preparation." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned this isn't a good transition into the quote. "believed" is a good attempt at varying up the "said" and the "stated," but unfortunately it's not synonymous to the extent that you can use to explain the author of a quote, “We were well prepared and the three songs that [we] played really complimented one another." this still needs work. it's all quotes-- you need to find something as the author of this article to sell to your readers.

    Composed of both sophomores and upper classmen, the Fall Concert you're saying here that the fall concert is composed of soph and upperclassmen, not that the orchestra 2 is. the appositive placement is wrong is still a hot topic to the Orchestra 2 musicians. They played three challenging songs, "Simple Gifts" and "Rhos Meydre" where's the third song? and according to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great start, considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other ochestras play." Don't end with a quote; find some sort of concluding remark.

    Julie Chung, one of the 100 hundred students of the Orchestra 3 class, said she felt “confident in this year’s performance. We prepared for the concert everyday, [as well as] during the summer.” This quote really isn't worth much. say that they prepared everyday over the summer in your own words, then include a different quote from her. you only want to quote stuff that is particularly interesting-- either an emotion or an interesting wording. At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs, including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brownm was the third.you need a conclusion!!!!!

    and then you need a concluding remark!!!!
    overall i think you got the first two paragraphs down-- just change all the corrections i gave you, and work on the conclusions for the paragraphs as well as the article as a whole.

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Thu Oct 22, 2009 11:02 pm

    Last month, Orchestra 3 musicians were surprised to be performing after America's own Marines Concert Band. However, on Monday Oct. 26th, Arcadian Middle and High School orchestral musicians weren't gazing for Marine officers, delete comma but searching for friends and family in the stands of Pasadena High School in at this year's Fall String Concert.

    Those who believe that classical music is boring and tedious is are sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the delete the spectators. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says, "I still remember watching the High School Orchestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughs. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    Orchestra 1, composed entirely of the freshmen class. Brenda Gee, first chair violinist, says, "I was a bit nervous at first, when the curtains started to open. But once we started playing, the feeling disappeared as I began focusing on the music." Megan believed the Fall String concert had gone as planned this isn't a good transition into the quote. "believed" is a good attempt at varying up the "said" and the "stated," but unfortunately it's not synonymous to the extent that you can use to explain the author of a quote, “We were well prepared and the three songs that [we] played really complimented one another." this still needs work. it's all quotes-- you need to find something as the author of this article to sell to your readers.

    The Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the sophmores and upperclassmen in Orchestra 2. They played three challenging songs, "Simple Gifts," "Rhos Meydre," and "Concerto Grosso." According to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great start, considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other orchestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the one hundred students of the Orchestra 3 class, felt extremely confident in this year’s performance. The quality of the performance was incredible, a feat that was achieved by daily practices and from orchestra camp. At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs, including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown was the third.

    The Fall String Concert was quick and fast-paced, none of which are the definition of boring. The performers truly enjoyed the sensation of performing, which translated into passion as they played each song with more energy than the last. The concert was a unique showcase of our city's orchestral talents, enjoyable for both the spectator and the performer.

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:27 am

    always always ALWAYS proofread your article at LEAST TWICE before posting it on the forum-- your first paragraph alone has "delete comma," sure proof that you copy-pasted my corrections and wasn't very careful about fixing them Smile

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:28 am

    and sorry-- i don't have time to go through this right now, so this is kind of cursory, but you can't say "gazing for..."; it's "gazing at..." but I don't think the orchestra members were gazing at the marines. unless they were really hot. but there are guys in orchestra too.

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:07 pm

    Last month, Orchestra 3 musicians were surprised to be performing after America's own Marines Concert Band. However, on Monday Oct. 26th, Arcadian Middle and High School orchestral musicians weren't searching for Marine officers but searching for friends and family in the stands of Pasadena High School in at this year's Fall String Concert.

    Those who believe that classical music is boring and tedious is sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the delete the spectators. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says, "I still remember watching the High School Orchestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughs. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    Orchestra 1, composed entirely of the freshmen class, were confident in their smooth performance. Brenda Gee, first chair violinist, says, "I was a bit nervous at first, when the curtains started to open. But once we started playing, the feeling disappeared as I began focusing on the music." Orchestra 1's performance was the example of great quality and control, they played with a strong passion, which only strengthed their performance.

    The Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the sophmores and upperclassmen of Orchestra 2. They played three challenging songs, "Fantasy for Simple Gifts," "Rhos Meydre," and "Concerto Grosso." According to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great start, considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other orchestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the one hundred students of the Orchestra 3 class, felt extremely confident in this year’s performance. The quality of the performance was incredible, a feat that was achieved by daily practices and from orchestra camp. At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs, including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major" composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown was the third.

    The Fall String Concert was quick and fast-paced, none of which are the definition of boring. The performers truly enjoyed the sensation of performing, which translated into passion as they played each song with more energy than the last. The concert was a unique showcase of our city's orchestral talents, enjoyable for both the spectator and the performer.

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:27 pm

    Last month, Orchestra 3 musicians were surprised to be performing after America's own Marines Concert Band. However, on Monday Oct. 26th, Arcadian Arcadia's Middle and High School orchestral musicians weren't searching why would they be searching for marine officers? i see where you're going and its a nice idea but it's not working yet for Marine officers but searching for friends and family in the stands of Pasadena High School in again, you gotta proofread more! what is this "in"? at this year's Fall String Concert.

    Those who believe regard classical music as... that classical music is boring and tedious is are sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the delete the spectators. again, you didn't proofread! "delete the spectators"? should be both the performers and the audience. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist says said, "I still remember watching the High School Orchestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughs laughed. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    Orchestra 1, composed entirely of the freshmen class, were was confident in their smooth what is smooth supposed to mean? performance. Brenda Gee, first chair violinist, says, "I was a bit nervous at first, when the curtains started to open. But once we started playing, the feeling disappeared as I began focusing on the music." Orchestra 1's performance was the example of great quality and control, they played with a strong passion, which only strengthed their performance. again, the problem is that you don't proofread. read your sentences aloud; this should sound funny. then correct it, and read it aloud again until you find a wording that works. writing is hard-- it requires time and effort, so don't bs it.

    The Fall Concert is still a hot topic to fr the sophmores if you proofread, you would spot that there's a typo here? and upperclassmen of Orchestra 2. They played three challenging songs, "Fantasy for Simple Gifts," "Rhos Meydre," and "Concerto Grosso." According to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great start insert [to the year] in brackets, considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other orchestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the one delete one hundred students of the Orchestra 3 class, felt extremely confident in this year’s performance. The quality of the performance was incredible, a feat that was achieved by through daily practices and from delete from orchestra camp. At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs, including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major," composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown, was the third.

    The Fall String Concert was quick and fast-paced, none of which are the definition of boring. that's a bit forced, and you imply that slow songs are. The performers truly enjoyed the sensation of performing, which translated into passion as they played each song with more energy than the last. The concert was a unique showcase of our city's orchestral talents, enjoyable for both the spectator and the performer.nice concluding sentence Smile

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:42 pm

    On Monday Oct. 26th, Arcadia's Middle and High School orchestral musicians were searching for friends and family in the stands of Pasadena High School at this year's Fall String Concert.

    Those who regard classical music as boring and tedious are sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the delete the audience. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist said, "I still remember watching the High School Orchestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughed. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    Orchestra 1, composed entirely of the freshmen class, was confident in their performance. Brenda Gee, first chair violinist, says, "I was a bit nervous at first, when the curtains started to open. But once we started playing, the feeling disappeared as I began focusing on the music." Orchestra 1's performance was an example of great quality and control; they played with a strong passion, emphasizing their sound and tone, creating a crisper, cleaner sound.

    The Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the sophomores and upperclassmen of Orchestra 2. They played three challenging songs, "Fantasy for Simple Gifts," "Rhos Meydre," and "Concerto Grosso." According to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great [to the year,] considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other orchestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the hundred students of the Orchestra 3 class, felt extremely confident in this year’s performance. The quality of the performance was incredible, a feat that was achieved through daily practices and orchestra camp. At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs, including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major," composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown, was the third.

    The Fall String Concert was quick and fast-paced, none of which are the definition of boring. The performers truly enjoyed the sensation of performing, which translated into passion as they played each song with more energy than the last. The concert was a unique showcase of our city's orchestral talents, enjoyable for both the spectator and the performer.nice concluding sentence Smile

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:00 pm

    On Monday Oct. 26th, Arcadia's Middle and High School orchestral musicians were searching for friends and family in the stands of Pasadena High School at this year's Fall String Concert. Don't take out the Marines! it was good-- I said I like where it's going-- you just have to work on it. Just say something about how last month they were performing after the marines, and this month its entirely different. the orchestras sure are busy! some sort of cute comment like that. Smile

    Those who regard classical music as boring and tedious are sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the delete the audience. I'm getting annoyed now-- how many times have I told you to proofread? Megan Choi, a freshman violinist said, "I still remember watching the High School Orchestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughed. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    Orchestra 1, composed entirely of the freshmen class, was confident in their performance. Brenda Gee, first chair violinist, says, I'm sure I said something about changing to past tense. "I was a bit nervous at first, when the curtains started to open. But once we started playing, the feeling disappeared as I began focusing on the music." Orchestra 1's performance was an example of great quality and control; they played with a strong passion, emphasizing their sound and tone, replace comma with and creating a crisper, cleaner sound.

    The Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the sophomores and upperclassmen of Orchestra 2. They played three challenging songs, "Fantasy for Simple Gifts," "Rhos Meydre," and "Concerto Grosso." According to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great [to the year,] considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other orchestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the hundred students of the Orchestra 3 class, felt extremely confident in this year’s performance. The quality of the performance was incredible, a feat that was achieved through daily practices and orchestra camp. At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs, including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major," composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown, was the third.

    The Fall String Concert was quick and fast-paced, none neither of which are part the definition of boring. Take in mind what I said about implying that slow songs are boring though. The performers truly enjoyed the sensation of performing, which translated into passion as they played each song with more energy than the last. The concert was a unique showcase of our city's orchestral talents, enjoyable for both the spectator and the performer. You're still not proofreading.

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:02 pm

    The Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the sophomores and upperclassmen of Orchestra 2. They played three challenging songs, "Fantasy for Simple Gifts," "Rhos Meydre," and "Concerto Grosso." According to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great [to the year,] no I meant: "a great start [to the year], considering" considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other orchestras play."

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:04 pm

    how many times do i have to tell you to proofread?? plz plz PLZ proof your own article; it's the least you can do. trust me-- you will appreciate my advice next year, because it's something that all freshman have a hard time doing, and then they have a reality check in sophomore english when they fail because of stupid errors. so EDIT YOUR OWN WORK! have some mercy on ppl like me who have to do it for you when you don't.

    hanarudolph

    Posts : 152
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  hanarudolph on Sat Oct 24, 2009 8:16 pm

    Those who regard classical music as boring and tedious are sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the audience. This doesn't totally transition Megan Choi, a freshman violinist said, "I still remember watching the High School Orchestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughed. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:49 am

    Last month, Orchestra 3 musicians were surprised to be performing after America's own Marines Corps. Concert Band. However, on Monday Oct. 26, Arcadia's Middle and High School orchestral musicians performed for friends and family in the stands of Pasadena High School at this year's Fall String Concert.

    Those who regard classical music as boring and tedious are sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the audience. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist said, "I still remember watching the High School Orchestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughed. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    Orchestra 1, composed entirely of the freshmen class, was confident in their performance. Brenda Gee, first chair violinist, said, "I was a bit nervous at first, when the curtains started to open. But once we started playing, the feeling disappeared as I began focusing on the music." Orchestra 1's performance was an example of great quality and control; they played with a strong passion, emphasizing their sound and tone and creating a crisper, cleaner sound.

    The Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the sophomores and upperclassmen of Orchestra 2. They played three challenging songs, "Fantasy for Simple Gifts," "Rhos Meydre," and "Concerto Grosso." According to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great [to the year,] considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other orchestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the hundred students of the Orchestra 3 class, felt extremely confident in this year’s performance. The quality of the performance was incredible, a feat that was achieved through daily practices and orchestra camp. At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs, including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major," composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown, was the third.

    The Fall String Concert was quick and fast-paced, neither of which are part of the definition of boring. The performers truly enjoyed the sensation of performing, which translated into passion as they played each song with more energy than the last. The concert was a unique showcase of our city's orchestral talents, enjoyable for both the spectator and the performer.

    ChristinaZhou

    Posts : 79
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Re: Fall String Concert

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Wed Oct 28, 2009 11:34 am

    Last month, Orchestra 3 musicians were surprised to be performing after America's own Marines Corps. Concert Band. However, on Monday Oct. 26, Arcadia's Middle and High School orchestral musicians performed for friends and family in the stands of Pasadena High School at this year's Fall String Concert.

    Those who regard classical music as boring and tedious are sadly mistaken. The Fall String Concert was exciting and fun for both the performers and the audience. Megan Choi, a freshman violinist said, "I still remember watching the High School Orchestras in amazement last year. I remember sitting at the end of my seat, straining my neck to hear [Orchestra 1, 2, and 3] play their songs," Megan laughed. "It was so exciting, knowing that I was going to be at that level."

    Orchestra 1, composed entirely of the freshmen class, was confident in their performance. Brenda Gee, first chair violinist, said, "I was a bit nervous at first, when the curtains started to open. But once we started playing, the feeling disappeared as I began focusing on the music." Orchestra 1's performance was an example of great quality and control; they played with a strong passion, emphasizing their sound and tone and creating a crisper, cleaner sound.

    The Fall Concert is still a hot topic to the sophomores and upperclassmen of Orchestra 2. They played three challenging songs, "Fantasy for Simple Gifts," "Rhos Meydre," and "Concerto Grosso." According to violinist Leslie Ledeboer, "The concert went smoothly, which is a great [to the year,] considering that this was our first performance as a group. Everyone was at the top of their game, and it was really fun listening to the other orchestras play."

    Julie Chung, one of the hundred students of the Orchestra 3 class, felt extremely confident in this year’s performance. The quality of the performance was incredible, a feat that was achieved through daily practices and orchestra camp. At the concert, Orchestra 3 performed three songs, including one piece that the orchestra director Mr. England composed himself: "Fantasie." "Symphonie Number 44: Trauer" composed by Hayden, was the second song, and the fast paced "Sinfoniettta in D-major," composed by Mozart and arranged by James Brown, was the third.

    The Fall String Concert was quick and fast-paced, neither of which are part of the definition of boring. The performers truly enjoyed the sensation of performing, which translated into passion as they played each song with more energy than the last. The concert was a unique showcase of our city's orchestral talents, enjoyable for both the spectator and the performer.

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