Scroogenomics

Attention! It has been predicted that another monstrous hurricane is about to smash America, destroying billions of dollars of value. Another Katrina? No, another Christmas. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed that time of year again. Christmas is a time of holiday spirit, gingerbread-making, KOST 103.5, and last but not least gift giving. Lots and lots and lots…and lots, of gift giving. Christmas is, after all, all about the presents right? But let's stop to consider the gifts we actually receive—that one lumpy, itchy scarf from Grandma in ’05 or the annoying alarm clock from Aunt Eleanor in ‘07. Did your cousin look genuinely excited at that stack of personalized post-its last year? Let’s face it. Our consumer spending generates vast amounts of economic waste each and every year.
This voluntary December calamity can be avoided by prioritizing our gift-giving habits and cutting that twelve page Christmas list down to only close friends and family. Come on folks, according to Thomas Hobbes, human beings are inherently evil, so let’s put some more people on the “Naughty” list. It is also just as important to choose your gifts wisely and not spend the entire shopping season at the department store table of crap. The worst phrase that could be uttered is “Did you keep the receipt?” and before you know it, you’ll be on a first- name basis with the nice people at the return desk. If worst comes to worst and it is just impossible to find that perfect gift, there is always the option of Christmas treats, long hand-written cards or creative homemade gifts. At least these choices won’t contribute to the gluttony of holiday overspending that both empties the wallet and dampens the “Ho Ho Ho” spirit. This Christmas should not involve the exercise of such etiquette which consists of composing one's face to feign pleasure when un-wrapping an unwelcome windfall. So I say to you, Bah Humbug.

EDIT 1

Attention! It has been predicted that another monstrous hurricane is about to smash [word choice] America, destroying billions of dollars of value. Another Katrina? No, another Christmas. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed that time of year again. Christmas is a time of holiday spirit, gingerbread-making, KOST 103.5, and last but not least gift giving. Lots and lots and lots…and lots,[delete. you already have 3 'lots' so your message gets across without that extra 'lot'] of gift giving. Christmas is, after all, all about the presents right? But let's stop to consider the gifts we actually receive—that one lumpy, itchy scarf from Grandma in ’05 [2005] or the annoying alarm clock from Aunt Eleanor in ‘07 [2007]. Did your cousin look genuinely excited at [change to 'upon recieving] that stack of personalized post-its last year? Let’s face it. Our consumer spending generates vast amounts of economic waste each and every year.
This voluntary December calamity can be avoided by prioritizing our gift-giving habits and cutting that twelve page Christmas list down to only close friends and family. Come on folks, according to Thomas Hobbes, human beings are inherently evil, so let’s put some more people on the “Naughty” list. It is also just as important to choose your gifts wisely and not spend the entire shopping season at the department store table of crap [replace with 'junk']. The worst phrase that could be uttered is “Did you keep the receipt?” and before you know it, you’ll be on a first- name basis with the nice people at the return desk. If worst comes to worst and it is just impossible to find that perfect gift, there is always the option of Christmas treats, long hand-written cards or creative homemade gifts. At least these choices won’t contribute to the gluttony of holiday overspending that both [delete] empties the wallet and dampens the “Ho Ho Ho” spirit. This Christmas should not involve the exercise of such etiquette which consists [delete] of composing one's face to feign pleasure when un-wrapping [unwrapping] an unwelcome windfall [word choice]. So I say to you, Bah Humbug. [bah, humbug!]

Attention! It has been predicted that another monstrous hurricane is about to slam into America, destroying billions of dollars of value. Another Katrina? No, another Christmas. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it is indeed that time of year again. Christmas is a time of holiday spirit, gingerbread-making, KOST 103.5, and last but not least gift giving. Lots and lots and lots of gift giving. Christmas is, after all, all about the presents right? But let's stop to consider the gifts we actually receive—that one lumpy, itchy scarf from Grandma in 2005 or the annoying alarm clock from Aunt Eleanor in 2007. Did your cousin look genuinely excited upon receiving that stack of personalized post-its last year? Let’s face it. Our consumer spending generates vast amounts of economic waste each and every year.
This voluntary December calamity can be avoided by prioritizing our gift-giving habits and cutting that twelve page Christmas list down to only close friends and family. Come on folks, according to Thomas Hobbes, human beings are inherently evil, so let’s put some more people on the “Naughty” list. It is also just as important to choose your gifts wisely and not spend the entire shopping season at the department store table of junk. The worst phrase that could be uttered is “Did you keep the receipt?” and before you know it, you’ll be on a first- name basis with the nice people at the return desk. If worst comes to worst and it is just impossible to find that perfect gift, there is always the option of Christmas treats, long hand-written cards or creative homemade gifts. At least these choices won’t contribute to the gluttony of holiday overspending that empties the wallet and dampens the “Ho Ho Ho” spirit. This Christmas should not involve the exercise of such etiquette of composing one's face to feign pleasure when unwrapping an unwelcome windfall So I say to you, bah, humbug!