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    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    AYF Olympics

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Wed Sep 09, 2009 1:46 am

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, Rhode Island. The main purpose for the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, together and closer while in a friendly competition. This year, there were twelve AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. On the night of each day, going from 9-3 and 3-6 were parties. The first party, from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m., was a party consisting of traditional Armenian dancing songs that last from 5-10 minutes each. The second party, called the hook-ups, is when you would go back to your rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to are the softball game, which was in a park right next to the beach, all three parties (one on each night but didn’t stay long at all), and track and field. I would have to say the most fun one I went to was the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see 5 and 6 year olds running on the track. It was the cutest thing! I was disappointed that I missed tennis though because my cousin played and I really would have loved to see him play tennis.
    Although the late night parties may seem fun to you (or maybe they don’t, I don’t know), Armenian dancing all night long, they really weren’t, for me at least. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or have a conversation with my parents and their friends. I was out of the party by 10:30- 12:00 each night, and we entered the Rhode Island Convention Center, where it took place, at around 10:00- 11:00.
    I have to say that the highlight of the Olympic Games was not really the games at all. It was seeing my cousins that I hadn’t seen in years.

    reginaliu

    Posts : 189
    Join date : 2009-09-03

    Re: AYF Olympics

    Post  reginaliu on Wed Sep 09, 2009 11:12 pm

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, Rhode Island [replace with "RI"]. The main purpose for [of] the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, together and closer [take out "and closer"] while in a [through] friendly competition. This year, there were twelve AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. On the night of each day, going from 9-3 and 3-6 were parties [There were two parties each night, one from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and the other from 3 a.m. to 6 p.m.] The first party, from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m., [take out "from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m."] was a party consisting [replace "was a party consisting" with "consisted"] of traditional Armenian dancing songs that last [lasted] from 5-10 minutes each. The [For the] second party, called the hook-ups ["the hook-ups"], is when you [replace "is when you" with "participants"] would go back to your [their] rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to are [were] the softball game, which was in a park right next to the beach [irrelevant], all three parties (one on each night but didn’t stay long at all) [take out the phrase in parenthesis], and [the] track and field [competition]. I would have to say the most fun one I went to was [The most fun I had was at] the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see 5 and 6 year olds ["five and six year old children" or just "children"] running on the track. It was the cutest thing! I was disappointed that I missed tennis though because my cousin played and I really would have loved to see him play tennis [This last sentence seems to have come out of nowhere. However, if you keep this sentence, I recommend you reword it a little because it's a bit repetitive.].
    Although the late night parties may seem fun to you (or maybe they don’t, I don’t know), Armenian dancing all night long, they really weren’t, for me at least [Although many may consider late night parties quite exciting, I found that...]. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or have [had] a conversation with my parents and their friends. I was out of [left] the party by 10:30- 12:00 [12] each night [Note: It's a bit confusing how the estimated times where you arrive and leave the party overlap][/color], and we entered the Rhode Island Convention Center, where it took place, [Incorporate the place where the parties are held into the sentence where you first introduce the parties] at around 10:00- 11:00 [10 p.m. to 11 p.m.].
    I have to say that the highlight of the Olympic Games was not really the games at all. It was seeing my cousins that I hadn’t seen in years. [Keep in mind that you've only referred to your cousin once through the entire article.]

    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: AYF Olympics

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Thu Sep 10, 2009 10:27 am

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, RI. The main purpose of the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, togetherthrough a friendly competition. This year, there were twelve AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. There were two parties each night, held in the Rhode Island Convention Center, one from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and the other from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. The first party consisted of traditional Armenian dancing songs that lasted from 5-10 minutes each. For the second party, called "the hook-ups", is when participants would go back to their rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to were the softball game, all three parties, and the track and field competition. The most fun I had was at the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see five and six year old children running on the track. It was the cutest thing!
    Although many may consider late night parties quite exciting, I found that being their all night long which nothing to do besides talk to people or dance to Armenian music. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or had a conversation with my parents and their friends. I left the party by 11:30 p.m. each night, when we arrived at the party 10 p.m. to 11 p.m.
    Before each party, except for the first night, my family and I went out to dinner with cousins that live in Rhode Island. I hadn't seen to of my cousins, out a family of three kids, in about seven or eight years. I didnt even remember what they looked like! I have to say that going to dinner was the highlight of the whole weekend.

    reginaliu

    Posts : 189
    Join date : 2009-09-03

    Re: AYF Olympics

    Post  reginaliu on Sun Sep 13, 2009 8:41 pm

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, RI. The main purpose of the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, togetherthrough [space in between the words] a friendly competition. This year, there were twelve [12] AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. There were two parties each night, held in the Rhode Island Convention Center, one from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and the other from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. The first party consisted of traditional Armenian dancing songs that lasted from 5-10 minutes each. For the second party, called "the hook-ups", is when participants would go back to their rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to were the softball game, all three parties, and the track and field competition. The most fun I had was at the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see five and six year old children running on the track. It was the cutest thing!
    Although many may consider late night parties quite exciting, I found that being their [there] all night long which [with] nothing to do besides talk to people or dance to Armenian music [fragment. Revise similar to: I found it tedious being there all night long...]. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or had a conversation with my parents and their friends. I left the party by 11:30 p.m. each night, when we arrived at the party 10 p.m. to 11 p.m.
    Before each party, except for the first night, my family and I went out to dinner with cousins that live in Rhode Island. I hadn't seen to [two] of my cousins, out a family of three kids, in about seven or eight years. I didnt [couldn't] even remember what they looked like! I have to say that going to dinner was the highlight of the whole weekend.

    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: AYF Olympics

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Sun Sep 13, 2009 10:06 pm

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, RI. The main purpose of the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, together through a friendly competition. This year, there were 12 AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. There were two parties each night, held in the Rhode Island Convention Center, one from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and the other from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. The first party consisted of traditional Armenian dancing songs that lasted from 5-10 minutes each. For the second party, called "the hook-ups", is when participants would go back to their rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to were the softball game, all three parties, and the track and field competition. The most fun I had was at the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see five and six year old children running on the track. It was the cutest thing!
    I found it tedious being there all night long, each night, doing the same thing each time- talking and watching people Armenian dance. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or had a conversation with my parents and their friends. I left the party by 11:30 p.m. each night, when we arrived at the party 10 p.m. to 11 p.m.
    Before each party, except for the first night, my family and I went out to dinner with cousins that live in Rhode Island. I hadn't seen two of my cousins, out a family of three kids, in about seven or eight years. I couldn't even remember what they looked like! I have to say that going to dinner was the highlight of the whole weekend.

    reginaliu

    Posts : 189
    Join date : 2009-09-03

    Re: AYF Olympics

    Post  reginaliu on Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:25 pm

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, RI. The main purpose of the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, together through a friendly competition. This year, there were 12 AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. There were two parties each night, held in the Rhode Island Convention Center, one from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and the other from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. The first party consisted of traditional Armenian dancing songs that lasted from 5-10 minutes each. For the second party, called "the hook-ups", is when participants would go back to their rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to were the softball game, all three parties, and the track and field competition. The most fun I had was at the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see five and six year old children running on the track. It was the cutest thing!
    [Find a transition between talking about the track competition and the dance] I found it tedious being there all night long, each night, doing the same thing each time- talking and watching people Armenian dance. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or had a conversation with my parents and their friends. I left the party by 11:30 p.m. each night, when we arrived at the party 10 p.m. to 11 p.m.
    Before each party, except for the first night, my family and I went out to dinner with cousins that live in Rhode Island. I hadn't seen two of my cousins, out a family of three kids, in about seven or eight years. I couldn't even remember what they looked like! I have to say that going to dinner was the highlight of the whole weekend.

    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: AYF Olympics

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:40 pm

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, RI. The main purpose of the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, together through a friendly competition. This year, there were 12 AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. There were two parties each night, held in the Rhode Island Convention Center, one from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and the other from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. The first party consisted of traditional Armenian dancing songs that lasted from 5-10 minutes each. For the second party, called "the hook-ups", is when participants would go back to their rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to were the softball game, all three parties, and the track and field competition. The most fun I had was at the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see five and six year old children running on the track. It was the cutest thing!
    But,that night, like every night, was very boring. I found it tedious being there all night long, each night, doing the same thing each time- talking and watching people Armenian dance. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or had a conversation with my parents and their friends. I left the party by 11:30 p.m. each night, when we arrived at the party 10 p.m. to 11 p.m.
    Before each party, except for the first night, my family and I went out to dinner with cousins that live in Rhode Island. I hadn't seen two of my cousins, out a family of three kids, in about seven or eight years. I couldn't even remember what they looked like! I have to say that going to dinner was the highlight of the whole weekend.

    reginaliu

    Posts : 189
    Join date : 2009-09-03

    Re: AYF Olympics

    Post  reginaliu on Tue Sep 15, 2009 8:56 pm

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, RI. The main purpose of the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, together through a friendly competition. This year, there were 12 AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. There were two parties each night, held in the Rhode Island Convention Center, one from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and the other from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. The first party consisted of traditional Armenian dancing songs that lasted from 5-10 minutes each. For the second party, called "the hook-ups", is when participants would go back to their rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to were the softball game, all three parties, and the track and field competition. The most fun I had was at the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see five and six year old children running on the track. It was the cutest thing!
    But,that night, [make sure a space follows every comma] like every night, was very boring. I found it tedious being there all night long, each night [using "each night" is unnecessary and repetitive when you just said "every night" in the sentence before], doing the same thing each time- talking and watching people Armenian dance. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or had a conversation with my parents and their friends. I left the party by 11:30 p.m. each night [again with the "each night" thing. Not to mention, saying night when you already said p.m. is also repetitive. Why not say, "I usually left..."] when we arrived at the party [you don't have to say at the party again when you already made it clear before that you're talking about the party in the beginning of the sentence] 10 p.m. to 11 p.m.
    Before each party, except for the first night, my family and I went out to dinner with cousins that live in Rhode Island. I hadn't seen two of my cousins, out a family of three kids, in about seven or eight years. I couldn't even remember what they looked like! I have to say that going to dinner was the highlight of the whole weekend.

    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: AYF Olympics

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Tue Sep 15, 2009 10:01 pm

    76th Annual AYF-YOARF Olympics
    Just in case you’re wondering, AYF-YOARF is the abbreviation of Armenian Youth Federation- Youth Organization of the ARF. This year was the 76th Olympic Games and it took place in Providence, RI. The main purpose of the AYF Olympics each year is to bring the AYF chapters, and the members of them, together through a friendly competition. This year, there were 12 AYF chapters participating in the Olympic Games, one being from California. Each day, for three days, the chapters compete against each other in the following: tennis, swimming, softball, and track and field. The chapter that won this year was the Providence Chapter, the host. There were two parties each night, held in the Rhode Island Convention Center, one from 9 p.m. to 3 a.m. and the other from 3 a.m. to 6 a.m. The first party consisted of traditional Armenian dancing songs that lasted from 5-10 minutes each. For the second party, called "the hook-ups", is when participants would go back to their rooms and change into jeans or sweats and dance some more, but to American music.
    The events and parties I went to were the softball game, all three parties, and the track and field competition. The most fun I had was at the softball game because my family and I knew the people that were playing. Although we arrived to the track and field event 10 minutes before it ended, I was able to see five and six year old children running on the track. It was the cutest thing!
    But, that night, like every night, was very boring. I found it tedious being there all night long doing the same thing each time- talking and watching people Armenian dance. I’m not a very good Armenian dancer so I basically just watched other people dance or had a conversation with my parents and their friends. I usually left the party by 11:30 p.m., when we arrived between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m.
    Before each party, except for the first night, my family and I went out to dinner with cousins that live in Rhode Island. I hadn't seen two of my cousins, out a family of three kids, in about seven or eight years. I couldn't even remember what they looked like! I have to say that going to dinner was the highlight of the whole weekend.

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