FOR CE: Phrases by Derek

We humans are a very talkative species, and in our everyday lives, we encounter millions and millions of words. Each time we converse, our minds struggle to wrap themselves around the uncountable permutations of the alphabet.
Pay close attention, however, and you will notice that at least a quarter of these words could have been omitted to make our lives simpler. Our conversations are often filled with vapid and clichéd filler phrases which serve no purpose at all. Here are just a few examples:
“You would!” Yes, a lot of people would do a lot of things. I would be eating rice for dinner later this evening. My parents would be going to the supermarket sometime this week. Most people would wear pants when they out in public. This is one of those convenient phrases which has no meaning at all but can be used under all circumstances.
“Just so you know.” These four words invariably precede or come right after a revelation of some sort (i.e. “Just so you know, my ancestors were from Moldova”). That is, someone is telling another person something. That is, that other person – after hearing what the first person says – will know something that they he didn’t know before. Do you see where I am going here?
“No offense.” At worst, this phrase adds insult to injury. At best, it means absolutely nothing. “No offense, but I wish you would go away or die.” Oh don’t worry – none taken! If you had not said “no offense,” though, then I would have really been upset.
“That’s the thing.” What, precisely, is “the thing”? This statement often refers to the subject of the conversation at hand – unless, of course, one decides to randomly jump from topic to topic. In this case, a little more specificity might be helpful. (“It is essential that we pass healthcare reform.” “That’s the thing why nectarines are delicious.”)
These four are far from the only ones, and it is becoming far too easy to add new items to the list. Next time you are hanging out with your friends, just start mindlessly repeating the words, “Joe Biden is made of custard.” Before long, it will catch on as the new nonsensical phrase that everyone uses to sound cool.
And when that gets old, we will just make a new one! How does “giraffes get discounts at the Olive Garden” or “my toenails live in Vancouver” sound?
These phrases may seem perfectly harmless, but they unnecessarily clutter up our lives and our lingo. Too often, we allow ourselves to be distracted by the insignificant, and while we are busy doing what amounts to nothing, real issues and real threats remain unaddressed. We recognize individual problems only when they grow truly worrisome. By taking our eyes off of what is meaningless, however, we can easily deal with them earlier and more effectively.
Until that happens, however, you know what they say – eggplants wear expensive cardigans!

We humans are a very talkative species, and in our everyday lives, we encounter millions and millions of words. Each time we converse, our minds struggle to wrap themselves around the uncountable permutations of the alphabet.
Pay close attention, however, and you will notice that at least a quarter of these words could have been omitted to make our lives simpler. Our conversations are often filled with vapid and clichéd filler phrases which serve no purpose at all. Here are just a few examples:
“You would!” Yes, a lot of people would do a lot of things. I would be eating rice for dinner later this evening. My parents would be going to the supermarket sometime this week. Most people would wear pants when they out in public. This is one of those convenient phrases which has [have] no meaning at all but can be used under all circumstances.
“Just so you know.” These four words invariably precede or come right after a revelation of some sort (i.e. “Just so you know, my ancestors were from Moldova”). That is, someone is telling another person something. That is, that other person – after hearing what the first person says – will know something that they he didn’t know before. Do you see where I am going here?
“No offense.” At worst, this phrase adds insult to injury. At best, it means absolutely nothing. “No offense, but I wish you would go away or die.” Oh don’t worry – none taken! If you had not said “no offense,” though, then I would have really been upset. [HAHAHA]
“That’s the thing.” What, precisely, is “the thing”? This statement often refers to the subject of the conversation at hand – unless, of course, one decides to randomly jump from topic to topic. In this case, a little more specificity might be helpful. (“It is essential that we pass healthcare reform.” “That’s the thing why nectarines are delicious.”)
These four are far from the only ones, and it is becoming far too easy to add new items to the list. Next time you are hanging out with your friends, just start mindlessly repeating the words, “Joe Biden is made of custard.” Before long, it will catch on as the new nonsensical phrase that everyone uses to sound cool.
And when that gets old, we will just make a new one! How does “giraffes get discounts at the Olive Garden” or “my toenails live in Vancouver” sound?
These phrases may seem perfectly harmless, but they unnecessarily clutter up our lives and our lingo. Too often, we allow ourselves to be distracted by the insignificant, and while we are busy doing what amounts to nothing, real issues and real threats remain unaddressed. We recognize individual problems only when they grow truly worrisome. By taking our eyes off of what is meaningless, however, we can easily deal with them earlier and more effectively.
Until that happens, however, you know what they say – eggplants wear expensive cardigans!

Perhaps more so than any other species, we humans are very, very talkative. Each day, we encounter millions upon millions of words, phrases, and sentences as our minds try to wrap themselves around those countless permutations of the alphabet.
Pay closer attention, however, and you will notice that many of these words could have been omitted, if for no reason other than to make all our lives simpler. Our conversations are filled with vapid and clichéd filler phrases which serve no real purpose. Here are just a few examples.
• “You would!” Why yes, a lot of people would do a lot of things. I would be eating rice for dinner every day this week. My grandmother would be visiting her dentist tomorrow. She would be riding the bus to get there. Most people would wear pants when they venture out in public. “You would” is just so wonderfully convenient – it has no meaning at all, but it can be used under any circumstance if you try hard enough. .
• “Just so you know.” Often used by those with just a tad too much attitude, these four words usually come right before or after a revelation of some sort (i.e. “Just so you know, my ancestors were from Moldova”). That is, someone is telling another person something. That is, that other person, after hearing what the first person says, will know something that he did not know before. Do you see where I am going here?
• “No offense.” At its worst, this phrase adds insult to injury. At its best, it means absolutely nothing. “No offense, but you’re a giant retard.” Oh don’t worry – none taken! Seriously, it’s fine. Why on earth could anyone possibly, possibly, be offended by that?
• “That’s the thing.” What, precisely, is “the thing”? We often use this statement to refer to a subject that is already being discussed, so we actually add absolutely nothing to the conversation – unless, of course, we take to the habit of spontaneously jumping from topic to topic. In that case, a little more specificity might be helpful (i.e. “It is essential that we pass healthcare reform.” "That’s the thing: nectarines are delicious!”).
• “That’s what she said.” Once considered witty and creative, this quip has been hijacked and turned into a cheap attempt at humor which – more often than not – ends in miserable failure. Similar to a nuclear weapon, “that’s what she said” must be deployed skillfully and cautiously. Many simply do not grasp the art of knowing when and how this phrase should be used, leaving many wondering out loud, “That’s what who said? Who is ‘she’? Whaaaaaaa…?”
Of course, these five are far from the only ones, and it is becoming far too easy to add new items to the list. The next time you are hanging out with your friends, just start mindlessly repeating the words, “Joe Biden is made of custard.” Before long, it will catch on as the new nonsensical phrase that everyone uses to sound clever.
And when that gets old, we will just come up with a new one! How does “giraffes get discounts at the Olive Garden” or “my toenails live in Vancouver” sound?
These phrases may seem perfectly harmless at first, but they unnecessarily clutter up our lives and our lingo. Too often, we are distracted by the insignificant and as a result, overlook what is truly important. Simplifying our speech and our actions will not only make life easier, but allow us to refocus on what has been drowned out amidst all the chaos.
Until that happens, however, you know what they say – eggplants prefer silky vests!