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    Israel Colemon

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    ChristinaZhou

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    Post  ChristinaZhou on Wed Sep 09, 2009 11:47 am

    Israel Colemon, the ’09- ’10 band president was chosen by his peers to be their spokesperson for the year. There’s no question why our peers wouldn’t choose him; Israel himself is quite humorous and sociable, greeting and making new acquaintances on a regular basis. However, being sociable is not the trait that you must acquire to become band president. To become band president, you “have to know almost all aspects of about band and have plenty of knowledge from past experiences.”
    Marching band is not mainly focused on field shows and parades. As you progress trough the years, members in marching band bond and develop into a ‘family’, allowing you to mingle with others that you have never met before. As Israel says, “Marching band is one whole experience by itself. The dedication and commitment marching band takes is one of its highest calibers.”
    Coming back to marching band as a senior and as band president, Israel admits that he wasn’t all too shocked when he was designated as band president. For the past two years, Israel was appointed as an officer, another peer-chosen position. Because Israel was chosen as an officer two years in a row, he was able to observe the previous band presidents in great detail. By watching them, Israel learned what responsibilities came with the title of band president, and the more he watched his superiors, the more he was inspired to take the role in his senior year. “In my freshman year and sophomore year, I was inspired by all the band presidents. They were all sociable and enjoyable people I would look up to. It inspired me to be like them.”
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    ashleychi

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    Israel Colemon Empty EDIT 1

    Post  ashleychi on Fri Sep 11, 2009 5:59 pm

    EDIT 1

    Israel Colemon, the ’09- ’10 band president [,] was chosen by his peers to be their spokesperson for the year. There’s no question why our ['his' or 'our'?] peers wouldn’t choose him; Israel himself is quite humorous and sociable, greeting and making new acquaintances on a regular basis. However, being sociable is not the trait that you must acquire [change to 'have'] to become band president. To become band president, you “have to know almost all aspects of about band and have plenty of knowledge from past experiences.”
    Marching band is not mainly focused on field shows and parades. As you [change to 'a band member']progress trough [change to 'progresses through' ]the years, members in marching band bond and develop into a ‘family’, allowing you [band members] to mingle with others that you have never met before. As Israel says, “Marching band is one whole experience by itself. The dedication and commitment marching band takes is one of its highest calibers.”
    Coming back to marching band as a senior and as band president, Israel admits that he wasn’t all too shocked when he was designated [elected] as [delete 'as'] band president. For the past two years, Israel was appointed as an officer, another peer-chosen position. Because Israel was chosen as an officer two years in a row, he was able to observe the previous band presidents in great detail. By watching them, Israel learned [about the type of] what [delete 'what'] responsibilities [insert 'that'] came with the title of band president,[change to '.'] and [delete 'and'] the [capitalize] more he watched his superiors, the more he was inspired to take the role in his senior year. “In my freshman year and sophomore year, I was inspired by all the band presidents. They were all sociable and enjoyable people I would look up to. It inspired me to be like them.”
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    ChristinaZhou

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    Israel Colemon Empty Re: Israel Colemon

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Mon Sep 14, 2009 9:58 pm

    Israel Colemon, the ’09- ’10 band president , was chosen by his peers to be their spokesperson for the year. There’s no question why our peers wouldn’t choose him; Israel himself is quite humorous and sociable, greeting and making new acquaintances on a regular basis. However, being sociable is not the trait that you must have to become band president. To become band president, you “have to know almost all aspects of about band and have plenty of knowledge from past experiences.”
    Marching band is not mainly focused on field shows and parades. As a band member progresses through the years, members in marching band bond and develop into a ‘family’, allowing band members to mingle with others that you have never met before. As Israel says, “Marching band is one whole experience by itself. The dedication and commitment marching band takes is one of its highest calibers.”
    Coming back to marching band as a senior and as band president, Israel admits that he wasn’t all too shocked when he was elected band president. For the past two years, Israel was appointed as an officer, another peer-chosen position. Because Israel was chosen as an officer two years in a row, he was able to observe the previous band presidents in great detail. By watching them, Israel learned about the type of responsibilities that came with the title of band president. The more he watched his superiors, the more he was inspired to take the role in his senior year. “In my freshman year and sophomore year, I was inspired by all the band presidents. They were all sociable and enjoyable people I would look up to. It inspired me to be like them.”


    For the his/our peers thing, shouldn't it be our peers, because we know them as well?
    and if I use 'his peers' it sounds as if we don't know them, as if we don't attend the same school.
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    ashleychi

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    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Israel Colemon Empty EDIT 2

    Post  ashleychi on Tue Sep 15, 2009 10:11 pm

    EDIT 2

    Israel Colemon, the ’09- ’10 band president , was chosen by his peers to be their spokesperson for the year. There’s no question why our [his] peers wouldn’t choose him; Israel himself is quite humorous and sociable, greeting and making new acquaintances on a regular basis. However, being sociable is not the trait that you must have to become band president. To become band president, you “have to know almost all aspects of about band and have plenty of knowledge from past experiences.”

    Marching band is not mainly focused on field shows and parades. As a band member progresses through the years, members in marching band bond and develop into a ‘family’, allowing band members to mingle with others that you have never met before. As Israel says, “Marching band is one whole experience by itself. The dedication and commitment marching band takes is one of its highest calibers.”
    Coming back to marching band as a senior and as band president, Israel admits that he wasn’t all too shocked when he was elected band president. For the past two years, Israel was appointed as an officer, another peer-chosen position. Because Israel was chosen as an officer two years in a row, he was able to observe the previous band presidents in great detail. By watching them, Israel learned about the type of responsibilities that came with the title of band president. The more he watched his superiors, the more he was inspired to take the role in his senior year. “In my freshman year and sophomore year, I was inspired by all the band presidents. They were all sociable and enjoyable people I would look up to. It inspired me to be like them.”

    *for the peers thing, I think it would be most logical if it's written as 'his peers,' because the article is specifically about him, and he was chosen by people in band only, not by the entire school. But maybe you should check with your editor on this.
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    ChristinaZhou

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    Israel Colemon Empty Re: Israel Colemon

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Tue Sep 15, 2009 11:19 pm

    Israel Colemon, the ’09- ’10 band president , was chosen by his peers to be their spokesperson for the year. There’s no question why his peers wouldn’t choose him; Israel himself is quite humorous and sociable, greeting and making new acquaintances on a regular basis. However, being sociable is not the trait that you must have to become band president. To become band president, you “have to know almost all aspects of about band and have plenty of knowledge from past experiences.”

    Marching band is not mainly focused on field shows and parades. As a band member progresses through the years, members in marching band bond and develop into a ‘family’, allowing band members to mingle with others that you have never met before. As Israel says, “Marching band is one whole experience by itself. The dedication and commitment marching band takes is one of its highest calibers.”
    Coming back to marching band as a senior and as band president, Israel admits that he wasn’t all too shocked when he was elected band president. For the past two years, Israel was appointed as an officer, another peer-chosen position. Because Israel was chosen as an officer two years in a row, he was able to observe the previous band presidents in great detail. By watching them, Israel learned about the type of responsibilities that came with the title of band president. The more he watched his superiors, the more he was inspired to take the role in his senior year. “In my freshman year and sophomore year, I was inspired by all the band presidents. They were all sociable and enjoyable people I would look up to. It inspired me to be like them.”

    @ashleychi-ok, we'll leave it as his until further notice? Smile
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    melissama

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    Israel Colemon Empty Re: Israel Colemon

    Post  melissama on Wed Sep 16, 2009 1:40 am

    His name is spelled Israel Coleman, please fix that in your article.
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    ChristinaZhou

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    Join date : 2009-09-02

    Israel Colemon Empty Re: Israel Colemon

    Post  ChristinaZhou on Wed Sep 16, 2009 8:17 am

    Israel Coleman, the ’09- ’10 band president , was chosen by his peers to be their spokesperson for the year. There’s no question why his peers wouldn’t choose him; Israel himself is quite humorous and sociable, greeting and making new acquaintances on a regular basis. However, being sociable is not the trait that you must have to become band president. To become band president, you “have to know almost all aspects of about band and have plenty of knowledge from past experiences.”

    Marching band is not mainly focused on field shows and parades. As a band member progresses through the years, members in marching band bond and develop into a ‘family’, allowing band members to mingle with others that you have never met before. As Israel says, “Marching band is one whole experience by itself. The dedication and commitment marching band takes is one of its highest calibers.”
    Coming back to marching band as a senior and as band president, Israel admits that he wasn’t all too shocked when he was elected band president. For the past two years, Israel was appointed as an officer, another peer-chosen position. Because Israel was chosen as an officer two years in a row, he was able to observe the previous band presidents in great detail. By watching them, Israel learned about the type of responsibilities that came with the title of band president. The more he watched his superiors, the more he was inspired to take the role in his senior year. “In my freshman year and sophomore year, I was inspired by all the band presidents. They were all sociable and enjoyable people I would look up to. It inspired me to be like them.”

    @melissa- its only the first one right?

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