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    CoraOrmseth

    Posts : 39
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    For CE! Dateless by Kaitlyn

    Post  CoraOrmseth on Tue Mar 30, 2010 12:00 pm

    Prom Season by Kaitlyn Jeong

    You scan the hallway looking for someone, anyone, who is relatively good looking, nice, and single. Well, if they’re not that attractive, that’s fine; nice and single can be ideal. Not so nice either? That’s okay too; the key word here is “single.” It’s not that you’re desperate; it’s that you’re, uh, out to make new friends. No one’s going to buy that excuse. Well, maybe it’s because you’re lonely. No, that’s not it either. Something, or rather, someone, is missing in your life.

    Everyone (your mother) has been telling you that you don’t need someone else to complete you. That you’re perfect the way you are. Well, they (she) haven’t (hasn’t) seen that zit on your nose big enough to be a helicopter landing site or your frizzy hair so static-y that it can generate enough electricity to power an office building. No, how would they (she) know that you’re in need of someone to tell you that your gargantuan zit is hardly noticeable as they try their hardest not to hit their heads on it, to tell you that it’s perfectly normal to attract every balloon in the state to your head. After all, they’ll say, you are very attractive in all respects, even in the eyes of inanimate objects like balloons.

    Then again, why would you need someone to reassure you, to tell you things you already know? Why would you rely on someone else’s opinion, when they’re seeing the same things that you see when you look in the mirror (unless it’s one of those fun mirrors)?

    You spend each and every day seeking approval: a pat on the head, a gold star, or a quick nod of the head. In actuality, the one who you should be looking towards for acceptance is you. You can just as easily tell yourself that you are a wonderful person, and a strong human being with a great personality. Waiting around for someone else to confirm your beliefs will do you no good. You want instant gratification or immediate self-assurance? D.I.Y. “Dang, I’m Yummy.” Telling yourself “D.I.Y.” over and over again is an example of a way to boost your self-esteem without that special someone there to compliment you.

    Are you simply fishing for compliments? If so, I hope that huge blue-fin tunas (your friends, your mother, you) jump out of the water to remind you that confidence in yourself can come from only one place: you. I hope you’ll stay long enough to hear the end of their sentences before shrieking out that fish talk to you. I hope that you know, deep down that you don’t need anyone to define you, to make you who you are. Most of all, I hope you understand that no matter how big your zit, a helicopter will not land on your face.

    oisheeshemontee

    Posts : 145
    Join date : 2009-09-01
    Age : 23

    Copyedit #1

    Post  oisheeshemontee on Fri Apr 16, 2010 11:49 am

    You scan the hallway looking for someone, anyone, who is relatively good looking, nice, and single. Well, if they’re not that attractive, that’s fine; nice and single can be [replace "can be" with "is still"] ideal. Not so nice either? That’s okay too; the key word here is “single.” It’s not that you’re desperate; [replace semicolon with dash, two semicolons in a row is rather distracting] it’s that you’re, uh, out to make new friends. No one’s going to buy that excuse. Well, maybe it’s because you’re lonely. No, that’s not it either. Something, or rather, someone, is missing in your life.

    Everyone (your mother) has been telling you that you don’t need someone else to complete you. That you’re perfect the way you are. Well, they (she) haven’t (hasn’t) seen that zit on your nose big enough to be a helicopter landing site or your frizzy hair so static-y that it can [replace "so static-y that it can" with "that's static-y enough to"] generate enough electricity to power an office building. No, how would they (she) know that you’re in need of someone to [replace "to" with "who will"] tell you that your gargantuan zit is hardly noticeable as they try their hardest not to hit their heads on it, to tell you that it’s perfectly normal to attract every balloon in the state to your head. After all, they’ll say, you are very attractive in all respects, even in the eyes of inanimate objects like balloons.

    Then again, why would you need someone to reassure you, to tell you things you already know? Why would you rely on someone else’s opinion, when they’re seeing the same things that you see when you look in the mirror (unless it’s one of those fun mirrors)?

    You spend each and every day seeking approval: a pat on the head, a gold star, or a quick nod of the head. In actuality, the one who you should be looking towards for acceptance is you. You can just as easily tell yourself that you are a wonderful person, and a strong human being with a great personality. Waiting around for someone else to confirm your beliefs will do you no good. You want instant gratification or immediate self-assurance? D.I.Y. “Dang, I’m Yummy.” Telling yourself “D.I.Y.” over and over again is an example of a way to boost your self-esteem without that special someone there to compliment you.

    Are you simply fishing for compliments? If so, I hope that huge blue-fin tunas (your friends, your mother, you) jump out of the water to remind you that confidence in yourself can come from only one place: you. I hope you’ll stay long enough to hear the end of their sentences before shrieking out that fish talk to you. I hope that you know, deep down that you don’t need anyone to define you, to make you who you are. Most of all, I hope you understand that no matter how big your zit, a helicopter will not land on your face. [LOL at that last sentence, I love your ending, but the blue-fin tuna reference is rather confusing - would you consider taking it out?]

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