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    rhiannonyee

    Posts : 53
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  rhiannonyee on Tue Oct 06, 2009 10:02 pm

    Ping Pong Tournament
    By Rhiannon Yee

    Arcadia High’s first intramural event of the year, the Ping-Pong Tournament, started on Oct. 1. Hosted by ASB, students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to ASB, and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. There is one match per day, and it is a single elimination tournament. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones that are provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games becomes the winner. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, both Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Freshman Stephen Smith won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship. He states, “I enjoy playing ping pong and I wanted to see how good I was against other people”, as his reason for playing in the tournament.

    If you’re interested in watching these ping-pong whizzes in action, be sure to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the rest of the month and support. Ping pong rally on Arcadia!

    katetrinh

    Posts : 31
    Join date : 2009-08-31

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  katetrinh on Wed Oct 07, 2009 11:56 am

    again, don't use second person or exclamation marks.
    don't address the audience directly! avoid these "if you .. be sure to .. go arcadia!" conclusions.


    Arcadia High’s first intramural event of the year, the Ping-Pong Tournament, started on Oct. 1 [needs a better attention-grabbing opener]. Hosted by ASB, [dangling modifier--students weren't hosted by asb; asb hosted the tournament]students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to ASB, [no comma] and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. There is one match per day, and it is a single elimination tournament [don't use passive voice. reword sentence]. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones that are [take out "that are"] provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games becomes the winner [using both "win" and "winner" is repetitive. change one of them]. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, both Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith [add their grade levels] kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Freshman Stephen Smith [mention that stephen is a freshman in the other sentence where he is first introduced. you don't have to repeat his grade or last name here] won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship. He states, “I enjoy playing ping pong and I wanted to see how good I was against other people”, as his reason for playing in the tournament re-integrate quote. right now it is awkward and redundant/obvious.

    If you’re [noo] interested in watching these ping-pong whizzes in action, be sure to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays for the rest of the month and support. Ping pong rally on Arcadia! [no.]

    rhiannonyee

    Posts : 53
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  rhiannonyee on Wed Oct 07, 2009 6:00 pm

    Bang! Swoosh! Slam! Well, actually, ping-pong balls are rather light and small, so the Ping-Pong Tournament, Arcadia High's first intramural event of the year, started off with more of a...ping. Students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the ASB hosted tournament.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to ASB and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. The tournament is a single elimination tournament, which means competitors are ousted after one loss and there is one match per day. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games takes the entire match. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, freshmen Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Stephen, who said he wanted to join the tournament because "[he] enjoy[s] playing ping-pong and [he] wanted to see how good he was against other people", won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship.

    Anyone interested in catching these ping-pong whizzes in action is welcome to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays to check out the action. The tournament will continue for the rest of the month, but for now, ping pong rally on! [was the ping pong rally on part bad or just the whole sentence?]

    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:46 pm

    Bang! Swoosh! Slam! Well, actually, ping-pong balls are rather light and small, so the Ping-Pong Tournament, Arcadia High's first intramural event of the year, started off with more of a...ping. Students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the ASB hosted tournament.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to ASB [the ASB Office] and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. The tournament is a single elimination tournament, which means competitors are ousted after one loss and there is one match per day. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games takes the entire match. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, freshmen [Freshmen] Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Stephen, who said he wanted to join the tournament because "[he] enjoy[s] playing ping-pong and [he] wanted to see how good he [[he]] was against other people", won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship.

    Anyone interested in catching these ping-pong whizzes in action is welcome to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays to check out the action. The tournament will continue for the rest of the month, but for now, ping pong rally on! [was the ping pong rally on part bad or just the whole sentence?]

    rhiannonyee

    Posts : 53
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  rhiannonyee on Mon Oct 12, 2009 8:59 pm

    Bang! Swoosh! Slam! Well, actually, ping-pong balls are rather light and small, so the Ping-Pong Tournament, Arcadia High's first intramural event of the year, started off with more of a...ping. Students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the ASB hosted tournament.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to the ASB Office and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. The tournament is a single elimination tournament, which means competitors are ousted after one loss and there is one match per day. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games takes the entire match. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, freshmen [why would freshmen be capitalized?] Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Stephen, who said he wanted to join the tournament because "[he] enjoy[s] playing ping-pong and [he] wanted to see how good [he] was against other people", won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship.

    Anyone interested in catching these ping-pong whizzes in action is welcome to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays to check out the action. The tournament will continue for the rest of the month, and be careful, because these players are definitely bringing their ping to the table.

    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Mon Oct 12, 2009 9:21 pm

    Bang! Swoosh! Slam! Well, actually, ping-pong balls are rather light and small, so the Ping-Pong Tournament, Arcadia High's first intramural event of the year, started off with more of a...ping. Students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the ASB hosted tournament.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to the ASB Office and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. The tournament is a single elimination tournament, which means competitors are ousted after one loss and there is one match per day. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games takes the entire match. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, freshmen Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Stephen, who said he wanted to join the tournament because "[he] enjoy[s] playing ping-pong and [he] wanted to see how good [he] was against other people", won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship.

    Anyone interested in catching these ping-pong whizzes in action is welcome to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays to check out the action. The tournament will continue for the rest of the month, and be careful, because these players are definitely bringing their ping to the table. [better than the other sentence but still doesnt sound right. keep trying though!]

    rhiannonyee

    Posts : 53
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  rhiannonyee on Tue Oct 13, 2009 6:47 pm

    Bang! Swoosh! Slam! Well, actually, ping-pong balls are rather light and small, so the Ping-Pong Tournament, Arcadia High's first intramural event of the year, started off with more of a...ping. Students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the ASB hosted tournament.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to the ASB Office and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. The tournament is a single elimination tournament, which means competitors are ousted after one loss and there is one match per day. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games takes the entire match. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, freshmen Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Stephen, who said he wanted to join the tournament because "[he] enjoy[s] playing ping-pong and [he] wanted to see how good [he] was against other people", won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship.

    Anyone interested in catching these ping-pong whizzes in action is welcome to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays to check out the action for the rest of the month. Better watch out, because these players definitely have some balls of fury.

    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:58 am

    Bang! Swoosh! Slam! Well, actually, ping-pong balls are rather light and small, so the Ping-Pong Tournament, Arcadia High's first intramural event of the year, started off with more of a...ping. Students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the ASB hosted tournament.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to the ASB Office and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. The tournament is a single elimination tournament, which means competitors are ousted after one loss and there is one match per day. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games[,] takes the entire match. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, freshmen Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Stephen, who said he wanted to join the tournament because "[he] enjoy[s] playing ping-pong and [he] wanted to see how good [he] was against other people", won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship.

    Anyone interested in catching these ping-pong whizzes in action is welcome to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays to check out the action for the rest of the month. Better watch out, because these players definitely have some balls of fury.

    rhiannonyee

    Posts : 53
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  rhiannonyee on Wed Oct 14, 2009 12:29 pm

    Bang! Swoosh! Slam! Well, actually, ping-pong balls are rather light and small, so the Ping-Pong Tournament, Arcadia High's first intramural event of the year, started off with more of a...ping. Students of all grade levels compete in the cafeteria during lunch on Tuesdays and Thursdays in the ASB hosted tournament.

    Anyone interested in entering the tournament submitted an interview form to the ASB Office and attended an information meeting in which they were briefed on rules of the tournament and how it worked. The tournament is a single elimination tournament, which means competitors are ousted after one loss and there is one match per day. Players can either bring their own paddle or use one of the ones provided. Whoever wins three out the five total games, takes the entire match. Each game goes to eleven points and each player serves two points. The games are fairly short, but it keeps things interesting and lively.

    Amid the deafening buzz of the cafeteria, freshmen Wesley Yang and Stephen Smith kept their cool during their game on Oct. 6, playing with quiet intensity while serving up many hard slams and spinning backhands. Stephen, who said he wanted to join the tournament because "[he] enjoy[s] playing ping-pong and [he] wanted to see how good [he] was against other people", won the game and shook his competitor’s hand afterwards in a refreshing display of sportsmanship.

    Anyone interested in catching these ping-pong whizzes in action is welcome to come down to the cafeteria on Tuesdays and Thursdays to check out the action for the rest of the month. Better watch out, because these players definitely have some balls of fury.

    lenakalemkiarian

    Posts : 166
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  lenakalemkiarian on Wed Oct 14, 2009 11:45 pm

    nothing else to edit. good job!

    rhiannonyee

    Posts : 53
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Ping Pong Tournament

    Post  rhiannonyee on Thu Oct 15, 2009 4:47 pm

    yesss..thanks!

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