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    christopherchen

    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    College Column (shadow)

    Post  christopherchen on Tue Oct 06, 2009 11:33 pm

    Carnegie Mellon

    Carnegie Mellon is a highly attractive school academically and environmentally. In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this college hosts some 13,000 alumni in the area and employed more than 4,000, being a center of the community of Pittsburgh.
    It is high-esteemed academically, with over 50 majors. These subjects are divided into the College of Engineering, College of Fine Arts, College of Humanities and Social Sciences, Tepper School of business, H. John Heinz III College, Mellon College of Science, School of Computer Science. There is a 10:1 student to faculty rate, and virtually all the teachers have a Ph D. in their field, it is a great environment of education and students dive into different depths and aspects of their learning. The cost of this college is about 55 thousand dollars a year. However, financial aid and scholarships are readily available. An average of $21,638 gift aid was given to 56% of freshmen last year.
    It also hosts many student activities including drama productions and intramural sports, overseen by authorities such as the Division of Student Affairs. The sports teams also are in great prestigious, home to the six time Sugar Bowl Champions the Steelers. The dining services host a great deal of variety with 20 different restraints on campus. First year students can settle in comfortably as well, with 99% live in college housing. The campus even offers great sites and icons with a zoo, aquarium, and even an aviary in addition to a museum.
    Over all, Carnegie Mellon is a worthy college for consideration with its variety of majors, scholarship program, and campus activities.

    Statistics
    SAT Writing: 620-710
    SAT Critical Reading: 620-720
    SAT Math: 670- 780
    ACT Composite: 29-33
    In-state Tuition: $54,523
    Out-of-state Tuition: $54,523

    jennylin

    Posts : 20
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: College Column (shadow)

    Post  jennylin on Thu Oct 08, 2009 12:04 am

    it's not a bad article. but your sentence structure is the same throughout the entire article. also, try to add more voice. email if you have any questions (:

    christopherchen

    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    RE: Carnegie Mellon

    Post  christopherchen on Thu Oct 08, 2009 7:41 pm

    Carnegie Mellon

    Carnegie Mellon is a highly attractive school academically and environmentally. In Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this college hosts some 13,000 alumni in the area and employed more than 4,000, being a center of the community of Pittsburgh.
    Carnegie Mellon is high-esteemed academically, with over 50 majors. These subjects are divided into the College of Engineering, College of Fine Arts, College of Humanities and Social Sciences, Tepper School of business, H. John Heinz III College, Mellon College of Science, and School of Computer Science. Though with many choices, the strongest of the majors to study at Carnegie would be engineering, with nearly 12 different majors to choose from. With a 10:1 student to faculty rate, and with virtually all the teachers have a Ph D. in their field; it is a great environment of education where students dive into different depths and aspects of their learning. The cost of this college is about 55 thousand dollars a year. However, financial aid and scholarships are readily available. An average of $21,638 gift aid was given to 56% of freshmen last year.
    It also hosts many student activities including drama productions and intramural sports, overseen by authorities such as the Division of Student Affairs. Carnegie Mellon’s sports teams also are in great prestigious, home to the six time Sugar Bowl Champions the Steelers. Dining services host a great deal of variety with 20 different restaurants on campus. First year students can settle in comfortably as well, with 99% living in college housing. The campus even offers great sites and icons with a zoo, aquarium, and even an aviary in addition to a museum.
    Over all, Carnegie Mellon is a worthy college for consideration with its variety of majors, scholarship program, and campus activities.

    Statistics
    SAT Writing: 620-710
    SAT Critical Reading: 620-720
    SAT Math: 670- 780
    ACT Composite: 29-33
    In-state Tuition: $54,523
    Out-of-state Tuition: $54,523

    Joanna Liao

    Posts : 161
    Join date : 2009-09-01
    Age : 23

    copy edit #1

    Post  Joanna Liao on Fri Oct 09, 2009 9:44 pm

    Carnegie Mellon is a highly attractive school academically and environmentally. (awk. Reword sentence) In (Change to: located in) Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this college hosts some (change to: approximately) 13,000 alumni in the area and employed (employs) more than 4,000, being a center of the community of Pittsburgh.
    Carnegie Mellon is high-esteemed academically, with over 50 majors. (change to: with over 50 majors, Carnegie Mellon is…) These subjects are divided into the College of Engineering, College of Fine Arts College of Humanities and Social Sciences, Tepper School of business, H. John Heinz III College, Mellon College of Science, and School of Computer Science. (don’t name them all) Though with many choices, the strongest of the majors to study at Carnegie would be engineering, with nearly 12 different majors to choose from. (awk sentence) With a 10:1 student to faculty rate (actually, it’s a ratio), and with (delete: with) virtually all the teachers have a Ph D. in their field; it is a great environment of education where students dive into different depths and aspects of their learning. (it doesn’t make sense starting from the semicolon) The cost of this college is about 55 (fifty five) thousand dollars a year. However, financial aid and scholarships are readily available. An average of $21,638 (write it out) gift aid was given to 56% of freshmen last year.
    It also hosts many student activities (parenthesis) including drama productions and intramural sports (end parenthesis) overseen by authorities such as the Division of Student Affairs. Carnegie Mellon’s sports teams also are in great prestigious (great prestigious what?), home to the six time Sugar Bowl Champions the Steelers. Dining services host a great deal of variety with 20 different restaurants on campus. First year students can settle in comfortably as well, with 99% living in college housing. (make the points match better like: a lot of first year students live on campus, with 99%...) The campus even (delete “even” and add Furthermore at the beginning of the sentence) offers great sites and icons with a zoo, aquarium, and even an aviary in addition to a museum.
    Over all (overall is one word), Carnegie Mellon is a worthy college for consideration with its variety of majors, scholarship program, and campus activities.

    Statistics
    SAT Writing: 620-710
    SAT Critical Reading: 620-720
    SAT Math: 670- 780
    ACT Composite: 29-33
    In-state Tuition: $54,523
    Out-of-state Tuition: $54,523

    christopherchen

    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Carnegie Mellon

    Post  christopherchen on Sat Oct 10, 2009 3:48 pm

    Carnegie Mellon stands out from many others as a great college academically and environmentally. Located in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this college hosts approximately 13,000 alumnus in the area and employs more than 4,000, being a center of the community of Pittsburgh.
    Carnegie Mellon is high-esteemed academically, with over 50 majors, consisting of a variety of subjects divided into the several colleges including the College of Engineering, College of Fine Arts, Tepper School of business, and School of Computer Science. Among these many choices however, the strongest of the majors to study at Carnegie would be engineering, with nearly 12 different sub majors to choose from. With a 10:1 student to faculty ratio and virtually all the teachers have a Ph D. in their field; it is a great atmosphere of education and depth of learning. This college costs about fifty-five thousand dollars a year to attend. However, financial aid and scholarships are readily available. An average of twenty-one thousand, six hundred and thirty-eight dollars worth of gift aid was given to 56% of freshmen last year.
    It also hosts many student activities (including drama productions and intramural sports) overseen by authorities such as the Division of Student Affairs. Carnegie Mellon’s sports teams also are in high prestigious: Carnegie Mellon is home to the six time Sugar Bowl Champions the Steelers. Dining services host a great deal of variety with 20 different restaurants on campus. Many first year students can also settle in the college comfortably as well, with 99% living in college housing. Furthermore, the campus offers great sites and icons with a zoo, aquarium, and even an aviary in addition to a museum.
    Overall, Carnegie Mellon is a worthy college for consideration with its variety of majors, scholarship program, and campus activities.

    Statistics
    SAT Writing: 620-710
    SAT Critical Reading: 620-720
    SAT Math: 670- 780
    ACT Composite: 29-33
    In-state Tuition: $54,523
    Out-of-state Tuition: $54,523

    Joanna Liao

    Posts : 161
    Join date : 2009-09-01
    Age : 23

    copy edit #2

    Post  Joanna Liao on Sat Oct 10, 2009 9:27 pm

    Carnegie Mellon stands out from many others as a great college academically and environmentally. Located in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this college hosts approximately 13,000 alumnus (change to: alumni) in the area and employs more than 4,000, being a center (the center) of the community of Pittsburgh.
    Carnegie Mellon is high-esteemed (what do you mean by: high-esteemed?) academically, with over 50 majors, consisting of a variety of subjects divided into the several colleges including the College of Engineering, College of Fine Arts, Tepper School of business, and School of Computer Science. Among these many choices however (delete: however), the strongest of the majors to study at Carnegie would be engineering, with nearly 12 (twelve) different sub majors to choose from. With a 10:1 student to faculty ratio and virtually all the teachers have a Ph D. in their field; (change to: comma) it is a great atmosphere of education and depth of learning. This college costs about fifty-five thousand dollars a year to attend. (awk.) However, financial aid and scholarships are readily available. An average of twenty-one thousand, six hundred and thirty-eight dollars worth of gift aid (reword: gift aid) was given to 56% of (add: the or delete: of) freshmen last year.
    It also hosts many student activities (including drama productions and intramural sports) overseen by authorities such as the Division of Student Affairs. Carnegie Mellon’s sports teams also are in high prestigious: (delete semi colon and add period) Carnegie Mellon is home to the six time Sugar Bowl Champions the Steelers. Dining services host a great deal of variety with 20 (twenty) different restaurants on campus. Many first year students can also settle in the college comfortably as well, with 99% living in college housing. Furthermore, the campus offers great sites and icons with a zoo, aquarium, and even an aviary in addition to a museum.
    Overall, Carnegie Mellon is a worthy college for consideration with its variety of majors, scholarship program, and campus activities.

    Statistics
    SAT Writing: 620-710
    SAT Critical Reading: 620-720
    SAT Math: 670- 780
    ACT Composite: 29-33
    In-state Tuition: $54,523
    Out-of-state Tuition: $54,523

    christopherchen

    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Carnegie shadow

    Post  christopherchen on Sun Oct 11, 2009 1:20 pm

    Carnegie Mellon stands out from many others as a great college academically and environmentally. Located in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this college hosts approximately the 13,000 alumni in the area and employs more than 4,000, being a center of the community of Pittsburgh.
    Carnegie Mellon is high-esteemed academically, with over 50 majors, consisting of a variety of subjects divided into the several colleges including the College of Engineering, College of Fine Arts, Tepper School of business, and School of Computer Science. Among these many choices, the strongest of the majors to study at Carnegie would be engineering, with nearly twelve different sub majors to choose from. With a 10:1 student to faculty ratio and virtually all the teachers have a Ph D. in their field, it is a great atmosphere of education and depth of learning. This college costs about fifty-five thousand dollars a year to attend, however, financial aid and scholarships are readily available. An average of twenty-one thousand, six hundred and thirty-eight dollars worth of financial aid was given to 56% of the freshmen last year.
    It also hosts many student activities (including drama productions and intramural sports) overseen by authorities such as the Division of Student Affairs. Carnegie Mellon’s sports teams also are in high prestigious: (it’s a colon, and the Steelers applies to the team) Carnegie Mellon is home to the six time Sugar Bowl Champions the Steelers. Dining services host a great deal of variety with twenty different restaurants on campus. Many first year students can also settle in the college comfortably as well, with 99% living in college housing. Furthermore, the campus offers great sites and icons with a zoo, aquarium, and even an aviary in addition to a museum.
    Overall, Carnegie Mellon is a worthy college for consideration with its variety of majors, scholarship program, and campus activities.

    Statistics
    SAT Writing: 620-710
    SAT Critical Reading: 620-720
    SAT Math: 670- 780
    ACT Composite: 29-33
    In-state Tuition: $54,523
    Out-of-state Tuition: $54,523

    christopherchen

    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Carnegie shadow

    Post  christopherchen on Sun Oct 11, 2009 1:22 pm

    You can see I put something in parenthesis for the semicolon, Steelers part that has nothing to do with the article
    I re posted this without the parenthesis so it won't be accidentally published



    Carnegie Mellon stands out from many others as a great college academically and environmentally. Located in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, this college hosts approximately the 13,000 alumni in the area and employs more than 4,000, being a center of the community of Pittsburgh.
    Carnegie Mellon is high-esteemed academically, with over 50 majors, consisting of a variety of subjects divided into the several colleges including the College of Engineering, College of Fine Arts, Tepper School of business, and School of Computer Science. Among these many choices, the strongest of the majors to study at Carnegie would be engineering, with nearly twelve different sub majors to choose from. With a 10:1 student to faculty ratio and virtually all the teachers have a Ph D. in their field, it is a great atmosphere of education and depth of learning. This college costs about fifty-five thousand dollars a year to attend, however, financial aid and scholarships are readily available. An average of twenty-one thousand, six hundred and thirty-eight dollars worth of financial aid was given to 56% of the freshmen last year.
    It also hosts many student activities (including drama productions and intramural sports) overseen by authorities such as the Division of Student Affairs. Carnegie Mellon’s sports teams also are in high prestigious: Carnegie Mellon is home to the six time Sugar Bowl Champions the Steelers. Dining services host a great deal of variety with twenty different restaurants on campus. Many first year students can also settle in the college comfortably as well, with 99% living in college housing. Furthermore, the campus offers great sites and icons with a zoo, aquarium, and even an aviary in addition to a museum.
    Overall, Carnegie Mellon is a worthy college for consideration with its variety of majors, scholarship program, and campus activities.

    Statistics
    SAT Writing: 620-710
    SAT Critical Reading: 620-720
    SAT Math: 670- 780
    ACT Composite: 29-33
    In-state Tuition: $54,523
    Out-of-state Tuition: $54,523

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