El Monte Educator Shot in Mexico

El Monte Principal’s Assistant Shot in Mexico
By Evan Delgado
On Thursday, (date), beloved El Monte educator Augustin Roberto “Bobby” Salcedo was found in a ravine along with 5 other men, bullet wounds in his head and chest. His entire family was in shock, and his community was hit hard by his loss. Salcedo had been eating dinner with his wife and some friends when the restaurant was stormed by gunmen. He had been taken along with some other men, and later killed in an execution. His brother Carlos was horrified by the entire ordeal, and had been texting his brother a few hours before the occurrence. The educators funeral was attended by over 4,000 students, friends, family, and residents of El Monte, “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” playing over the speakers to honor the die-hard Dodger fan. Students often recalled the lighter side of the assistant principal, including the time he set up and over the top, toga-themed party for students. All of his co-workers stated how dedicated he was to teaching and his community.
Over the years, crime has spread like a wildfire through Mexico, and there is a large concentration in Durango, the state of Mexico containing Gomez Palacio, the city which Salcedo had been visiting. The high industry district, and where many goods are sent to the US has become a strategic point of interest for the many battling drug cartels. As the drug wars picked up, so did crime in general, neighbors without work even posing as cartel members and extorting residents. Families have even stopped visits to see family, and one store owner moved his store from the public to his own home. Crime rates have topped the records of last year in the state, and various residents state that it is due to the ineffectiveness of the Mexican government.
Salcedo was a valued member of the community, volunteering and dedicating his life to education, and was a beloved husband. It seems the Salcedo was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, dragged into the drug wars of Mexico. The valued educator will be missed by colleagues, his family, his friends his students, and by all of California.

On Thursday, (date), beloved El Monte educator Augustin Roberto “Bobby” Salcedo was found in a ravine along with 5 [five] other men, bullet wounds in his head and chest. His entire family was in shock, and his community was hit hard by his loss. Salcedo had been eating dinner with his wife and some friends when the restaurant was stormed by gunmen. He had been taken along with some other men, and later killed in an execution. His brother Carlos was horrified by the entire ordeal, and had been texting his brother a few hours before the occurrence. The educators [educator's] funeral was attended by over 4,000 students, friends, family, and residents of El Monte, “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” playing over the speakers to honor the die-hard Dodger fan. Students often recalled the lighter side of the assistant principal, including the time he set up and over the top, toga-themed party for students. All of his co-workers stated how dedicated he was to teaching and his community.
Over the years, crime has spread like a wildfire through Mexico, and there is a large concentration in Durango, the state of Mexico containing Gomez Palacio, the city which Salcedo had been visiting. The high industry district, and where many goods are sent to the US [United States; spell out when used as a noun and abbreviate when used as an adjective] has become a strategic point of interest for the many battling drug cartels. As the drug wars picked up, so did crime in general, neighbors without work even posing as cartel members and extorting residents. Families have even stopped visits to see family, and one store owner moved his store from the public to his own home. Crime rates have topped the records of last year in the state, and various residents state that it is due to the ineffectiveness of the Mexican government.
Salcedo was a valued member of the community, volunteering and dedicating his life to education, and was a [delete the second "was a"] beloved husband. It seems the [delete "the" or replace with "that"] Salcedo was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, dragged into the drug wars of Mexico. The valued educator will be missed by colleagues, his family, his friends his students, and by all of California [change to "by his colleagues, family, friends, students, and all of California"].

[Try having intro as opposed to going straight into the facts.]
On Thursday, (date), beloved El Monte educator Augustin Roberto “Bobby” Salcedo was found in a ravine along with 5 [five] other men, bullet wounds in his head and chest. His entire family was in shock, and his community was hit hard by his loss. Salcedo had been eating dinner with his wife and some friends when the restaurant was stormed by gunmen. He had been taken along with some other men, and later killed in an execution. His brother Carlos was horrified by the entire ordeal, and had been texting his brother a few hours before the occurrence. [maybe you can try to look up a quote from Carlos?]

[Start new paragraph here]The educators [educator's] funeral was attended by over 4,000 students, friends, family, and residents of El Monte, [;]“Take Me Out to the Ball Game” playing [played] over the speakers to honor the die-hard Dodger fan. Students often recalled the lighter side of the assistant principal, including the time he set up and [an] over the top, toga-themed party for [his] students. All of his co-workers stated how dedicated he was to teaching and his community.

Over the years, crime has spread like [strike]a[/strike] wildfire through Mexico, and there is a large concentration in Durango, the state of Mexico containing Gomez Palacio, the city which Salcedo had been visiting. The high industry district, and where many goods are sent to the US [United States; spell out when used as a noun and abbreviate when used as an adjective] has become a strategic point of interest for the many battling drug cartels. As the drug wars picked up, so did crime in general, neighbors without work even posing as cartel members and extorting residents. [sentence structure is a bit funky]Families have even stopped visits to see family, and one store owner moved his store from the public to his own home. Crime rates have topped the records of last year in the state, and various residents state [believe] that it is due to the ineffectiveness of the Mexican government.

Salcedo was a valued member of the community, volunteering and dedicating his life to education, and was a [delete the second "was a"] beloved husband. It seems the [delete "the" or replace with "that"] Salcedo was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, dragged into the drug wars of Mexico. The valued educator will be missed by colleagues, his family, his friends his students, and by all of California [change to "by his colleagues, family, friends, students, and all of California"].

On a more general note:
- will probably go in this month
- try to extend it a bit with quotes from students
- Maybe you can add a bit more by connecting the two ideas (Salcedo getting shot and Mexico's current conditions); try to cover how violent crimes can carry over the US; like in this case where the people getting hurt are not just Mexican residents but foreign visitors as well.. just an idea
-

i'll let michelle deal with the details.

-see if you can relate this to current events (kind of like what michelle was saying.) just as an afterthought
-this is really local. you can emphasize on how shockingly close to us this is

El Monte Educator Mourned by Southern California
by Evan Delgado, staff writer
In our own little bubble, we residents of Arcadia sometimes forget the dangers of the world, until something like this happens so close to home. On Thursday, (date), beloved El Monte educator Augustin Roberto “Bobby” Salcedo was found in a ravine along with five other men, bullet wounds in his head and chest. His entire family was in shock, and his community was hit hard by his loss. Salcedo had been eating dinner with his wife and some friends when the restaurant was stormed by gunmen. He had been taken along with some other men, and later killed in an execution. His brother Carlos was horrified by the entire ordeal, and had been texting his brother a few hours before the occurrence. Many students in El Monte and surronding cities have felt
The educator’s funeral was attended by over 4,000 students, friends, family, and residents of El Monte: take Me Out to the Ball Game”played over the speakers to honor the die-hard Dodger fan. Students often recalled the lighter side of the assistant principal, including the time he set up anover the top, toga-themed party for his students. All of his co-workers stated how dedicated he was to teaching and his community, and even students at AHS have felt the loss. “Even though I didn't know Mr. Salcedo personally, I knew that his influence as a school board member and assistant high school principal profoundly impacted the students, parents, and teachers who knew and worked him. In the words of El Monte mayor Andre Quintero, Salcedo was ‘an absolute bright, shining star in [their] community’ and although he may not be alive now, his spirit will continue to impact the educational world he worked in,” says Andrew Sun, freshman and Boys Relations on ASB.
Over the years, crime has spread like a wildfire through Mexico, and there is a large concentration in Durango, the state of Mexico containing Gomez Palacio, the city which Salcedo had been visiting. The high industry district, where many goods are sent to the United States, has become a strategic point of interest for the many battling drug cartels. As the drug wars picked up, so did crime in general. Neighbors without work even began posing as cartel members and extorting residents. Families have even stopped visits to see family, and one store owner moved his store from the public to his own home. Crime rates have topped the records of last year in the state, and various residents believe that it is due to the ineffectiveness of the Mexican government. Despite all this, Salcedo still took his chances, and despite his good intentions paid the price. It was unclear, but a common theory is that the kidnapping and shooting was drug related, although Salcedo was in no way linked to drugs in Mexico.
Salcedo was a valued member of the community, and beloved husband, volunteering and dedicating his life to education. It seems that Salcedo was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, dragged into the drug wars of Mexico. In Arcadia, we are often oblivious to the realities of the Modern world. "My reaction to the incident is that it shows how the world outside Arcadia, now named one of America's best places to raise children, holds danger and imperfections, which we may not find in Arcadia itself," says Stephen Lee, a sophomore at AHS. The incident has come as a shock as well as a tragedy, especially to people who have never had something so tragic happen so close. Violence has always been something to observe from a distance and feel terrible about, but it seems that with this tragic event the world’s imperfections have affected our closed off community. An inspiration and a hero, the valued educator will be missed by his friends and family, and by the thousands who admired his work as a public educator.

(I really think I can get a quote from the principal, I’ll probably do it before school )