Retail Therapy by Kaitlyn Jeong
Everything humanely possible had gone wrong in a matter of hours. I overslept, stepped in two huge wads of gum, ruined my newest (not to mention cutest) pair of shoes, found out that my shirt was on inside out, went the restroom to flip it and left with toilet paper on my shoe, bombed a test, dropped my essay into a large puddle, burped while giving my speech, left my math homework at my house, realized that my zipper was down after sixth period, and spent the ride home agonizing over how long it had been like that. How could I possible fix this mess that I called my life? Two words: Charge it.
As I walked around the mall searching for a replacement pair (or two) of shoes, I was again faced with the question: Does money buy happiness? My answer: As sure as god made green apples and a pair of turquoise canvas flats 50% off, yes. Yes it does.
My parents have always given me wise pieces of advice, warning me that money and materialistic things are not substitutes for joy and that I should never eat yellow snow (the latter has never failed me). They are correct in saying that money does not buy happiness; instead it buys cars, jewelry and nice clothing. These in turn provide portals to elation and high self esteem; I have yet to see the acquisition of a new wardrobe fail to put a smile on someone’s face.
As further examples of evidence, I myself have conducted several studies on this “retail therapy” phenomenon, all involving a bad day, my wallet, and whatever article of clothing caught my attention at that point in time. I concluded that the power to change your outlook on the universe, the power to change the weather from a day with dark gray clouds promising thunderstorms to a day with fluffy white emblems of hope, and the possession of a magic eraser that wiped away all signs of dismalness released endorphins. As we all know, endorphins make us happy, and happy people do not kill their husbands or have low self-esteem. They just don’t.
People argue that buying material things may relieve some of the initial stress, but that after awhile, reality will hit and the grief will return. Even if that is indeed true and buying bags and bags of unneeded items will in the long run fail to cure your wounds, just know that at the end of the day, you will have helped save the United States of America by stimulating the economy.
Everything humanely possible had gone wrong in a matter of hours. I overslept, stepped in two huge wads of gum, ruined my newest (not to mention cutest) pair of shoes, found out that my shirt was on inside out, went the restroom to flip it and left with toilet paper on my shoe, bombed a test, dropped my essay into a large puddle, burped while giving my speech, left my math homework at my house, realized that my zipper was down after sixth period, and spent the ride home agonizing over how long it had been like that. How could I possible fix this mess that I called my life? Two words: Charge it.
As I walked around the mall searching for a replacement pair (or two) of shoes, I was again faced with the question: Does money buy happiness? My answer: As sure as god made green apples and a pair of turquoise canvas flats 50% off, yes. Yes it does.
My parents have always given me wise pieces of advice, warning me that money and materialistic things are not substitutes for joy and that I should never eat yellow snow (the latter has never failed me). They are correct in saying that money does not buy happiness; instead it buys cars, jewelry and nice clothing. These in turn provide portals to elation and high self esteem; I have yet to see the acquisition of a new wardrobe fail to put a smile on someone’s face.
As further examples of evidence, I myself have conducted several studies on this “retail therapy” phenomenon, all involving a bad day, my wallet, and whatever article of clothing caught my attention at that point in time. I concluded that the power to change your outlook on the universe, the power to change the weather from a day with dark gray clouds promising thunderstorms to a day with fluffy white emblems of hope, and the possession of a magic eraser that wiped away all signs of dismalness released endorphins. As we all know, endorphins make us happy, and happy people do not kill their husbands or have low self-esteem. They just don’t.
People argue that buying material things may relieve some of the initial stress, but that after awhile, reality will hit and the grief will return. Even if that is indeed true and buying bags and bags of unneeded items will in the long run fail to cure your wounds, just know that at the end of the day, you will have helped save the United States of America by stimulating the economy.