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    Day in the Life of a Pep Member

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    phuynh

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    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Day in the Life of a Pep Member

    Post  phuynh on Wed Sep 09, 2009 11:23 am

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto slapped her alarm clock to snooze. There was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s First Black Light Dance. Since there was going to be a pep rally during lunch that day, Karina has to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. Even before lunch time, Pep Squad had to hold an assembly during third period to raise awareness and to “get school spirit for the year.” Just one period later, the whole Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and Song has to perform for the annual pep rally held around the eleventh of September. The day is barely half over and already the day is so busy and hectic from the assembly to the rally. In between classes, the tension is building on whether the Varsity game and the dance will be successful. After school, the members of pep squad are given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer on the varsity football team. This game is the first Varsity Football home game of the year and it makes all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous—but they manage “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game is over, some of the crowd heads over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Firs Black Light Dance. Thankfully while the girls are supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some volunteers are helping set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad doesn’t have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members can finally relax and enjoy all the hard-work that has finally paid off. At midnight the dance is over and the girls quickly clean up so they can go home as soon as possible. Even thought they tried cleaning up as fast as they could, they do not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work but it most definitely was worth it.
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    ashleychi

    Posts : 230
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    EDIT 1

    Post  ashleychi on Thu Sep 10, 2009 11:13 pm

    EDIT 1

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto slapped her alarm clock to snooze. There was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s First Black Light Dance. Since there was going to be a pep rally during lunch that day, Karina has [had] to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. Even before lunch time, [delete] Pep Squad had [held] to hold [delete 'to hold']an assembly during third period to raise awareness [for what?] and to “get school spirit for the year.” Just one period later, the whole Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and Song [change to: "...the whole Pep Squad- Cheer, Flags, and song-..."] has to perform [change this phrase to 'performed'] for the annual pep rally held around the eleventh of September. The day is [was] barely half over and already the day is so busy and hectic from the assembly to the rally. [awk. phrasing] In between classes, the tension is [was] building on whether the Varsity game and the dance will be successful. [awk. phrasing] After school, the members of pep squad [capitalize] are given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer on the varsity football team. [change to 'during the varsity football game.'] This game is the first Varsity Football [do not capitalize] home game of the year and it makes all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous— [replace dash with comma]but they manage “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game is over, some of the crowd heads[head] over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Firs [first] Black Light Dance. Thankfully [,] while the girls are supporting [maybe replace with 'cheering on']the Varsity Football [do not capitalize] team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some volunteers are helping set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad doesn’t have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members can finally relax and enjoy all the hard- [delete] work that has finally paid off. At midnight the dance is over and the girls quickly clean up so they can go home as soon as possible. Even thought [though] they tried cleaning up as fast as they could, they do not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work but it most definitely was worth it.

    **NOTE: make sure you use consistent verb tenses.
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    phuynh

    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Day in the Life of a Pep Member

    Post  phuynh on Fri Sep 11, 2009 12:02 am

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto slapped her alarm clock to snooze. There was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s First Black Light Dance. Since there was going to be a pep rally during lunch that day, Karina had to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. Pep Squad held an assembly during third period to raise awareness of the tradgic date and to “get school spirit for the year.” Just one period later, the whole Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and song performed for the annual pep rally held around the eleventh of September. The day was barely half over and it was already so busy and hectic from the assembly to the rally. In between classes, the tension is building on whether the Varsity game and the dance will be successful. After school, the members of Pep Squad are given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer during the varsity football team. This game is the first varsity football home game of the year and it makes all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous—but they manage “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game is over, some of the crowd heads over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Firs Black Light Dance. Thankfully while the girls are supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some volunteers are helping set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad doesn’t have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members can finally relax and enjoy all the work that has finally paid off. At midnight the dance is over and the girls quickly clean up so they can go home as soon as possible. Even though they tried cleaning up as fast as they could, they do not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work but it most definitely was worth it.
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    ashleychi

    Posts : 230
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    EDIT 2

    Post  ashleychi on Sat Sep 12, 2009 5:44 pm

    EDIT 2

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto slapped her alarm clock to snooze. [insert 'She vaguely remembered that] There [no capitalize] was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s First [no capitalize] Black Light Dance. Since there was going to be a pep rally during [insert 'third period and'] lunch that day, Karina had to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. Pep Squad held an assembly during third period to raise awareness of the tradgic date [change to 'the tragedy that occured eight years ago'] and to “get school spirit for the year.” Just one period later, the whole [change to 'entire'] Pep Squad— Cheer, Flags, and song [-] performed for the annual pep rally held around the eleventh of September. The day was barely half over and it was already so busy and hectic from the assembly to the rally. In between classes, the tension is building on whether the Varsity game and the dance will be successful. [awk.-reword] After school, the members of Pep Squad are given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer during the varsity football team [change to 'game']. This game is the first varsity football home game of the year and it makes all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous— [delete, replace with comma] but they manage “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game is [was] over, some of the crowd heads [change to 'headed'] over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Firs [delete] Black Light Dance. Thankfully [,] while the girls are supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some volunteers are helping set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad doesn’t have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members can finally relax and enjoy all the work that has finally paid off. At midnight the dance is over and the girls quickly clean up so they can go home as soon as possible. Even though they tried cleaning up as fast as they could [change to 'Even though they try to clean up as fast as possible,'] , they do not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work but it most definitely was worth it.

    [are you writing this in past or present tense? you have some of both so it's quite confusing to read. please decide and change the verb tenses]
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    phuynh

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    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Day in the Life of a Pep Member

    Post  phuynh on Sun Sep 13, 2009 1:52 pm

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto slapped her alarm clock to snooze. She vaguely remembered that there was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s first Black Light Dance. Since there was going to be a pep rally during third period and lunch that day, Karina had to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. Pep Squad held an assembly during third period to raise awareness of the tragedy that occurred eight years ago and to “get school spirit for the year.” Just one period later, the entire Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and song- performed for the annual pep rally held around the eleventh of September. The day was barely over and it already felt so busy and hectic because the assembly to the rally. In between classes, the tension is building on whether the Varsity game and the dance will be successful. After school, the members of Pep Squad are given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer during the varsity football game. This game is the first varsity football home game of the year and it makes all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous—but they manage “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game is over, some of the crowd headed over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Black Light Dance. Thankfully while the girls are supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some volunteers are helping set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad doesn’t have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members can finally relax and enjoy all the work that has finally paid off. At midnight the dance is over and the girls quickly clean up so they can go home as soon as possible. Even though they try to clean up as fast as possible, they do not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work but it most definitely was worth it.
    avatar
    ashleychi

    Posts : 230
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    EDIT 3

    Post  ashleychi on Sun Sep 13, 2009 5:15 pm

    EDIT 3

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto slapped her alarm clock to snooze. She vaguely remembered that there was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s first Black Light Dance. Since there was going to be a pep rally during third period and lunch that day, Karina had to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. Pep Squad held an assembly during third period to raise awareness of the tragedy that occurred eight years ago and to “get school spirit for the year.” [This sentence seems like it doesn't belong, because first you're talking about the day from Karina's POV, then suddenly change to 3rd-person POV.] Just one period later, the entire Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and song- performed for the annual pep rally held around the eleventh of September [change to 'held around the middle of September']. The day was barely over and it already felt so busy and hectic because the assembly to the rally [change to 'because of the excitement from the assembly and the pep rally']. In between classes, the tension is [was] building on whether the Varsity game and the dance will be successful. After school, the members of Pep Squad are given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer during the varsity football game. This game is [was] the first varsity football home game of the year and it makes all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous, but they manage[managed] “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game is [was] over, some of the crowd headed over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Black Light Dance. Thankfully[,] while the girls are supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some volunteers are helping set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad doesn’t have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members can finally relax and enjoy [finally relaxed and enjoyed] all the work that has finally paid off. At midnight the dance is over and the girls quickly clean up so they can go home as soon as possible. Even though they try to clean up as fast as possible, they do not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work[,] but it most definitely was worth it.

    [note-please make sure all the verb tenses are past tense, unless your editor says otherwise]
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    phuynh

    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Day in the Life of a Pep Member

    Post  phuynh on Sun Sep 13, 2009 8:46 pm

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto slapped her alarm clock to snooze. She vaguely remembered that there was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s first Black Light Dance. Since there was going to be a pep rally during third period and lunch that day, Karina had to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. Being part of Pep Squad, she had to perform at the assembly during third period; the point was to raise awareness of the tragedy that occurred eight years ago and to “get school spirit for the year.” Just one period later, the entire Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and song- performed for the annual pep rally usually held around the middle of September. The day was barely over and it already felt so busy and hectic because of the excitement from the assembly and the pep rally. In between classes, the tension was starting to build on whether the Varsity game and the dance were going to be successful. After school, the members of Pep Squad were given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer during the varsity football game. This game was the first varsity football home game of the year and it made all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous—but they managed “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game was over, some of the crowd headed over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Black Light Dance. Thankfully, while they were supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some volunteers helped set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad did not have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members were finally able to relax and enjoy all the work that had finally paid off. At midnight the dance was over and the girls quickly cleaned up so they could go home as soon as possible. Even though they tried to clean up as fast as possible, they did not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work, but it was most definitely worth it.
    avatar
    ashleychi

    Posts : 230
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    EDIT 4

    Post  ashleychi on Mon Sep 14, 2009 11:47 am

    EDIT 4

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto [insert ',a Pep Squad member,'] slapped her alarm clock to snooze. She vaguely remembered that there was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s first Black Light Dance. Since there was [also]going to be a pep rally during third period and lunch that day, Karina had to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. Being part of Pep Squad, she had to perform at the assembly during third period; the point was to raise awareness of the tragedy that occurred eight years ago and to “get school spirit for the year.” [rewrite as 'The first assembly of the year was during third period, and raised awareness of the tragedy that had occurred eight years ago. Additionally, the assembly was to raise "school spirit for the year.'] Just one period later, the entire Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and song [capitalize]- performed for the annual pep rally usually held around the middle of September. The day was barely over and it already felt so busy and [delete] hectic because [replace with 'from']of the excitement from the assembly and the pep rally. In between classes, the tension was starting to build on whether the Varsity [not capitalized]game and the dance were going to be successful. After school, the members of Pep Squad were given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer during the varsity football game. This game was the first varsity football home game of the year and it made all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous—but they managed “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game was over, some of the crowd headed over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Black Light Dance. Thankfully, while they were supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some volunteers helped set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad did not have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members were finally able to relax and enjoy all the work that had finally paid off. At midnight the dance was over and the girls quickly cleaned up so they could go home as soon as possible. Even though they tried to clean up as fast as possible, they did not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work, but it was most definitely worth it.
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    phuynh

    Posts : 68
    Join date : 2009-09-01

    Re: Day in the Life of a Pep Member

    Post  phuynh on Tue Sep 15, 2009 11:36 pm

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto, a Pep Squad member, slapped her alarm clock to snooze. She vaguely remembered that there was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s first Black Light Dance. Since there was also a pep rally during third period and lunch that day, Karina had to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. The first assembly of the year was during third period, and it raised awareness of the tragedy that occurred eight years ago. Additionally, the assembly was to promote “school spirit.” Just one period later, the entire Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and Song- performed for the annual pep rally usually held around the middle of September. The day was barely over and it already felt so hectic from the excitement of the assembly and the pep rally. In between classes, the tension was starting to build on whether the varsity game and the dance were going to be successful. After school, the members of Pep Squad were given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer during the varsity football game. This game was the first varsity football home game of the year and it made all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous—but they managed “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game was over, part of the crowd headed over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Black Light Dance. Thankfully, while they were supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some other volunteers helped set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad did not have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members were finally able to relax and enjoy all the work that had finally paid off. At midnight the dance was over and the girls quickly cleaned up so they could go home as soon as possible. Even though they tried to clean up as fast as possible, they did not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work, but it was most definitely worth it.[flash][/flash]
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    ashleychi

    Posts : 230
    Join date : 2009-09-02

    EDIT 5

    Post  ashleychi on Wed Sep 16, 2009 11:32 am

    At six in the morning, Karina Riassetto, a Pep Squad member, slapped her alarm clock to snooze. She vaguely remembered that there was something special about this day when it popped into her head—today was September 11. She was supposed to wake up at six to get ready for the pep rally dedicated to the fallen World Trade Center in New York and Pep Squad’s first Black Light Dance. Since there was also a pep rally during third period and lunch that day, Karina had to wear her pep uniform along with the proper shoes, socks, and bows. The first assembly of the year was during third period, and it raised awareness of the tragedy that occurred eight years ago. Additionally, the assembly was to promote “school spirit.” Just one period later, the entire Pep Squad—Cheer, Flags, and Song- performed for the annual pep rally usually held around the middle of September. The day was barely over and it already felt so hectic from the excitement of the assembly and the pep rally. In between classes, the tension was starting to build on whether the varsity game and the dance were going to be successful. After school, the members of Pep Squad were given a couple of hours to fully prepare to cheer during the Varsity Football game. This game was the first Varsity Football home game of the year and it made all the girls on the pep squad extremely nervous—but they managed “to turn those nerves into excitement and energy” for their performances. As soon as the football game was over, part of the crowd headed over to the South Gym for Pep Squad’s Black Light Dance. Thankfully, while they were supporting the Varsity Football team, Ms. Erikson, Ms. Huff, and some other volunteers helped set up the gym for the dance. With the assistance of these people, Pep Squad did not have to worry about the decorations as much. During the dance, the members were finally able to relax and enjoy all the work that had finally paid off. At midnight the dance was over and the girls quickly cleaned up so they could go home as soon as possible. Even though they tried to clean up as fast as possible, they did not get home until around one in the morning. Promoting the dance, selling all those tickets, the pep rally, the assembly, and the football game may have been hard work, but it was most definitely worth it.

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